A Beautiful Inheritance

Tonight before bed I asked James, "Do you ever feel like God is moving and something big is going to happen but you dont know what?" I went on to tell him I would read because I couldn't sleep. My mind, soul, and heart were racing with  excitement, uncertainty,  and anticipation of the work that Jesus is going to do.

Earlier today I was listening to a broadcast by Nancy Leigh DeMoss titled "A Beautiful Inheritance". Before it started I felt this feeling telling me it was going to be a good one.

It started and it was talking about the point in Joshua's life when they were casting the lots for each tribe of people. She pointed out that the chapters about dividing up the land were more than those of heroic times in Joshua's story but people seem to skip over them. Afterall, casting lots make it sound like it was really up to chance. I mean how lucky was the tribe that got huge chunks of land, and how unfortunate was the tribe that got the smallest? Isnt that how we look at our lives? How blessed is she who has xyz, and how unfortunate or cursed am I because xyz happened/didn't happen. When in reality everything is up to God.

Psalms 16:5 NLT
lord , you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing. You guard all that is mine.

If everything is up to God, and he works everything for good for those who love him...does that include me? I love him. Does that mean everything I have been "dealt" God had his hand on me during it all? This beautiful mess I live is an inheritance from God?

Even the years I walked without knowing him?
Yes Saul became Paul.

Even my infertility?
Yes, Hannah gave birth to Samuel. Sarah gave birth to Isaac. Elizabeth gave birth to John.

Even whatever it is that you are questioning, God was there somehow. Ask Him to show you. Where was he in that moment, how should it have or will it shape your heart to better further His kingdom? Does it add to your testimony about God's goodness? Did you allow it to, did you turn to Him in your storm?

Tonight's small group chapter was on Praising God, especially in the storms of life. Praising Him when things seem impossible. Too tough to face. How fitting for the battle that was going on within me.

Infertility rearing it's ugly head, and God reminding me once again of that gruesome image of a deep wound that had to be carefully tended and packed and unpacked in order for proper healing to take place. A month of a prayer come true. God has closed my womb to prevent a pregnancy that would end in miscarriage. That has been my prayer, for God to close my womb until he is ready to gift us another take home baby. To save us from more heartache. He came through this month, but infertility monster still reared it's head. A month of hope and a twinge of disappointment.

And Satan whispered to me, "No body wants to hear about how this is impacting your life still."

Jesus is more than enough to praise him through our infertility. He is more than enough for whatever storm or battle you are facing, even though the devil doesn't want you to know it or consistently believe it. Jesus is enough. He writes a deep complex story when your heart is aching and makes you look to Him for healing that ache or emptiness you feel. He wants you to turn to Him so he can heal you. He wants the lot he cast to you to be a blessing, to have you see the beautiful inheritance he has passed on to you.

Otherwise before you know it that wound that needs to be packed and unpacked could cause damage to surrounding tissue without treatment, infection could start, and the pain can grow more intense.

Let God work in your life. Trust that he is Lord over all. That He is sovereign. Sovereign? Supreme, absolute, almighty, unlimited, unrestricted, boundless, timeless, royalty, and  unconditional.  He is all of that for me. And you.

I need to sleep. I work in the morning. But my mind was racing, my heart aching for God. I started this post before group. I knew I needed to read. Remember what I said about casting lost earlier....it came up in my reading. That's definitely God. God sighting at almost midnight.

"I didn’t need to pound on the doors of heaven in the hope that some house steward might add my name to a list. I didn’t need to recite my request over and over or hoist rocks over a high wall behind which a legion of servants might one day carry my petition to the King. Nor did I need to shrug at the lot I’d been cast, stretching wider Scripture’s definition of sovereignty."
Every Bitter Thing is Sweet by Sarah Hagerty.

I don't need to come before God like a beggar but to come before him knowing He is almighty and clinging to the promises of Romans 8:28. God knows my heart, he knows the desires. He knows the pain. He knows the outcome of the chapter he is writing in my life. I just need to trust expectantly that he is passing on the inheritance to me that is for me and not wish for the one that he is handing out to others.

My life might be a mess most days. It might seem awful disappointing some days. But God is writing my story. He is using my aches and pains to draw me closer to Him. He is using the storms of this life to lead me to him for shelter and strength. And that is a greater inheritance than all the earthly possessions in this world. Every bitter thing can taste sweet, and my mess truly is a beautiful inheritance.