Unsettled Heart

Everything going on the news....from sexual abuse to policy brutality, from the confederate flag to same sex marriage. It leaves my heart unsettled. My thoughts range from why do these things have to happen? to seriously it is a flag, who cares? To I am so sick of seeing all of this negativity on the news and my facebook newsfeed. Obviously the biggest thing today is the ruling on same sex marriage. I see everything from proud rainbows to very upset, to well meaning Christians that get into hearty often boisterous arguments (they may try to call them "discussions") on this topic. I see people saying they are deleting others, curse words piercing the air, and I sit back and I ponder.

How is this showing them Jesus? Jesus came for all sinners. It doesn't matter your sin, he is sovereign over all. This ruling did not catch Jesus by surprise. Does it mean we celebrate with those that choose that lifestyle? I'm going to be honest and say...I am not certain. Do you celebrate with an obese person at your church gathering? Or how about the man that has a secret addition to pornography? Do you sit next to a person in church that has a gambling problem? Or a person that is prideful? Do you attend their weddings? Do you lend ear to gossip as a Christian, and even in the church setting? If we say a sin is a sin is a sin....and as Christians continue in our sinful ways as we try to worship God and develop a deeper relationship with Him...isn't that just as sinful to God? I'm not certain. But I think it could be.

When it says do not judge others in the Bible...it means do not judge those that are not believers. Those that are not part of the church. We are to try and help those within the church to turn from their sinful ways. That is clear in the Bible. That includes homosexuality, just as it includes obesity, laziness, addition to cigarettes (not treating the body as a temple), drunkenness, slander and gossip, pride, premarital sex, pornography, or simply lust in general. Our government is not the church, it is clear we are a nation that no longer follows God's wishes for our lives. Therefore we cannot judge the choices the government makes. We simply have to continue to have hope and lean on the fact that Jesus is Lord. We have to pray for those that are unbelievers and our brothers and sisters in Christ who struggle with any sort of sin.

When I wrote to you before, I told you not to associate with people who indulge in sexual sin.  But I wasn’t talking about unbelievers who indulge in sexual sin, or are greedy, or cheat people, or worship idols. You would have to leave this world to avoid people like that.  I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people. 

 It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning. God will judge those on the outside; but as the Scriptures say, “You must remove the evil person from among you.

1 Corinthians 5:9-13 

Can you imagine how empty the seat in the church would be if we removed all the sinful from among us? Do you see what I am alluding to? The church should be a safe place for all who are broken. We are all sinners saved by grace. And ultimately this fighting over these things in the news recently is what makes Satan celebrate. After all, our fight is not with other humans really. Look up Ephesians 6:12, it lays it all out for you. Our battle is against the evil spirits in this world. They are celebrating that is for certain.

And I am pretty certain it grieves the spirit that these things are happening in the world today.  But I am 100% certain of something else, Jesus is still Lord over all. There is still victory on the cross. Unfortunately, the Bible already warned that times would be hard for families in the end of times. And to put it quite simply every day further from when Jesus was raised from the dead is closer to the end of times. Why are we surprised that things are falling farther and farther away from the path that God would deem righteous, right, and true?

There are many thoughts floating about my unsettled heart. I do think the day will come when Christians are punished extensively for speaking out about their beliefs. I do believe that one day there will be martyrs for the faith in the United States. People may be crying out to Jesus to come soon over this, but I am praying Jesus wait so maybe one more unbeliever can be saved. And I do believe that for unbelievers, who I am not to judge, that this certificate that the government is calling marriage will benefit their family units. I do not think that it changes the definition of what we as Christians see marriage. The government may redefine it as a union between any couple. But to us as Christians, marriage will always be a covenant between a man, a woman, and God. A cord of three, the leaving from two separate families to cleave to one another.

Where does that leave those that believe in Jesus, and struggle with their sexual orientation? Or their gender? Let me ask you a question...before you judge them, are you praying for them? Petitioning God for them. The best article I read today on this topic reminded the readers of the thorn in Paul's flesh that God did not take away. What if that is what their sexuality is like to them. How many lesbians, gays, bisexual, or transgendered people wish they could change the way they feel. And as believers in Jesus feel guilty, and may in turn feel unworthy of God's love and turn away from Him? I am sure there is too many to list. With marriage now being legal for these people, they have an even greater temptation to live outside of God's will. Especially with those inside the church believing that this sin of homosexuality is blacker than any other sins I listed above. Let those who have no sin cast the first stone. I am not casting a stone at fellow believers because they have different struggles than I do.

My heart feels unsettled and I think it is for one reason alone. Quite simply, His ways are not my ways. His thoughts are not my thoughts. I am thankful the judging of who enters into heaven is not up to you or me.

Take the Time to Stop

Lately life has been going a mile a minute in the Hillard household, I have been working closer to full time hours, James is working full time and doing produce, and then there is Matthew - - - the busiest little boy I have met in a very long time.

I hate to admit it, but here is my confession. The first thing that goes for me is usually that quiet time with God when we are this busy. I crave it and yearn to have that time, but it seems I am never able to take that time with the Lord. I try to fill myself up with His word by listening to the Bible or Podcasts as I drive or do housework. But it is not enough, my soul yearns for the quiet moments in the house when all is still and God speaks to my heart because I have cleared my schedule to invite Him in. Without the quiet it's like stopping and looking at a friend and asking, "How are you doing?" If we keep moving about, and interrupt the conversation multiple times does that friend feel important in those moments? And are we truly listening to their heart's response to the question? No! They would probably give us the short answer, or if they were a bold friend say, "Hey, are you even listening to me? Are you sure you really want to know how I am doing?" Because the reality is that Jesus is our friend, God is our father - - - so why don't we stop to take the time to nourish that relationship? Why does it feel awkward sometimes to pray and listen?

We don't take the time to stop enough. We don't treat God as a friend. If your best friend suddenly was shifted up into a very important position of leadership, would you stop talking to them or joking with them in private the way that you used to? Would you not yearn to have those moments with them again? It is the same with God, He is All Mighty, and Powerful, and we should respect Him....but we should also come to Him in the good times, in the bad times, in the times when we feel overwhelmed, stressed, sad, angry, and bring all of these emotions to Him and lay it at his feet. Or if you are me - - - sometimes you feel like you are throwing rotten tomatoes at Him.

I felt like I was throwing the tomatoes at Him and saying, "Hello, remember me? My name is Jessica and I prayed that you would close my womb until YOU chose to bless us with another take home baby. How did this prayer get lost in translation? It's pretty cut and dry. Lord, I don't get it. Why don't you WANT to heal my womb? I know you can! Am I not good enough to have another baby? What is wrong with us? Why do others have babies abundantly without struggle and we sit here a total of 5 years trying and we have Matthew and 13 babies with you in Heaven?!?" Those thoughts and feelings went away soon after I threw them up to the Lord and they were replaced with peace. I have had this overwhelming peace, letting me know that I needed this pregnancy to know that He still would let me get pregnant, even after that prayer, because there was a fear within me that he would just stop and not allow another baby to grow in my womb. That maybe we would not ever have another take home baby. He didn't listen to my prayer because he knew my heart better than I thought He possibly could.

I just had to take the time to stop and let him speak to my heart. I had to push the lies out, and fill myself up with the promises of His word. Remind myself of my identity in Christ and not cling to the identities the world tries to attach to me. I just had this vision of a teenage girl walking down the hall and others are trying to stick papers to her with names the world wants her to believe she is - unworthy, shameful, a loser, unloved, unimportant, fat, ugly. And this girl was just looking so sad, she was down in the dumps. And then next thing I knew she was smiling with her head held up high, and she was holding up her identities in Christ as a shield - Forgiven, Loved, Treasured, Beautiful, Child of God, Chosen, Set apart. Adopted. I think we would all do better in this world if we picked up the Bible and remember the identity we have in Christ and stopped the world from trying to shove sticky notes on our soul of names that we should never claim or believe for ourselves. Ask God what names you have let the world trick you into believing, what titles he wishes for you to cast off from yourself and find your identity in Christ.

Take the time to stop, take the time to pray. What kind of believers in Christ are we if we do not take the time to talk and listen to Him? Clear 10 minutes in your schedule daily for God and go from there. That is my goal for this week, as meager as it sounds 10 minutes each day in prayer with God. And guess what? I am leaning on Psalms 5:3. "Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly." I am going to be expectantly waiting for God, for him to answer prayers and speak to my heart. As I make the time to meet Him each day how much more do I bring to Him so that His glory can be shown by answering prayers? Take the challenge. Let me know how it goes.