Take the Time to Stop

Lately life has been going a mile a minute in the Hillard household, I have been working closer to full time hours, James is working full time and doing produce, and then there is Matthew - - - the busiest little boy I have met in a very long time.

I hate to admit it, but here is my confession. The first thing that goes for me is usually that quiet time with God when we are this busy. I crave it and yearn to have that time, but it seems I am never able to take that time with the Lord. I try to fill myself up with His word by listening to the Bible or Podcasts as I drive or do housework. But it is not enough, my soul yearns for the quiet moments in the house when all is still and God speaks to my heart because I have cleared my schedule to invite Him in. Without the quiet it's like stopping and looking at a friend and asking, "How are you doing?" If we keep moving about, and interrupt the conversation multiple times does that friend feel important in those moments? And are we truly listening to their heart's response to the question? No! They would probably give us the short answer, or if they were a bold friend say, "Hey, are you even listening to me? Are you sure you really want to know how I am doing?" Because the reality is that Jesus is our friend, God is our father - - - so why don't we stop to take the time to nourish that relationship? Why does it feel awkward sometimes to pray and listen?

We don't take the time to stop enough. We don't treat God as a friend. If your best friend suddenly was shifted up into a very important position of leadership, would you stop talking to them or joking with them in private the way that you used to? Would you not yearn to have those moments with them again? It is the same with God, He is All Mighty, and Powerful, and we should respect Him....but we should also come to Him in the good times, in the bad times, in the times when we feel overwhelmed, stressed, sad, angry, and bring all of these emotions to Him and lay it at his feet. Or if you are me - - - sometimes you feel like you are throwing rotten tomatoes at Him.

I felt like I was throwing the tomatoes at Him and saying, "Hello, remember me? My name is Jessica and I prayed that you would close my womb until YOU chose to bless us with another take home baby. How did this prayer get lost in translation? It's pretty cut and dry. Lord, I don't get it. Why don't you WANT to heal my womb? I know you can! Am I not good enough to have another baby? What is wrong with us? Why do others have babies abundantly without struggle and we sit here a total of 5 years trying and we have Matthew and 13 babies with you in Heaven?!?" Those thoughts and feelings went away soon after I threw them up to the Lord and they were replaced with peace. I have had this overwhelming peace, letting me know that I needed this pregnancy to know that He still would let me get pregnant, even after that prayer, because there was a fear within me that he would just stop and not allow another baby to grow in my womb. That maybe we would not ever have another take home baby. He didn't listen to my prayer because he knew my heart better than I thought He possibly could.

I just had to take the time to stop and let him speak to my heart. I had to push the lies out, and fill myself up with the promises of His word. Remind myself of my identity in Christ and not cling to the identities the world tries to attach to me. I just had this vision of a teenage girl walking down the hall and others are trying to stick papers to her with names the world wants her to believe she is - unworthy, shameful, a loser, unloved, unimportant, fat, ugly. And this girl was just looking so sad, she was down in the dumps. And then next thing I knew she was smiling with her head held up high, and she was holding up her identities in Christ as a shield - Forgiven, Loved, Treasured, Beautiful, Child of God, Chosen, Set apart. Adopted. I think we would all do better in this world if we picked up the Bible and remember the identity we have in Christ and stopped the world from trying to shove sticky notes on our soul of names that we should never claim or believe for ourselves. Ask God what names you have let the world trick you into believing, what titles he wishes for you to cast off from yourself and find your identity in Christ.

Take the time to stop, take the time to pray. What kind of believers in Christ are we if we do not take the time to talk and listen to Him? Clear 10 minutes in your schedule daily for God and go from there. That is my goal for this week, as meager as it sounds 10 minutes each day in prayer with God. And guess what? I am leaning on Psalms 5:3. "Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly." I am going to be expectantly waiting for God, for him to answer prayers and speak to my heart. As I make the time to meet Him each day how much more do I bring to Him so that His glory can be shown by answering prayers? Take the challenge. Let me know how it goes.