If you don't know me too well, you should know I love music. James loves music. It is something God has weaved into the very makeup of our souls.
We met in band. He was the cute older drummer with the gorgeous smile and twinkling eyes. I thought I just had a silly crush that would never amount to anything. That was my sophomore year in high school. Little did I know we would begin dating after my senior year at band camp. :-)
I was a clarinetist. Writing, playing my clarinet, and singing were my escape from the world around me. I loved the making a story come to life from little black notes on white pieces of paper into a beautiful sound that filled the air for all near to hear. The way my fingers could fly over the silver keys. Playing until my lips could no longer stand it. Playing in the middle of the night as my sisters slept upstairs, going over and over tricky spots in my music, perfecting dynamics and intonation.
It was a major part of my life. And it still is, I am a little rusty...but if life feels overwhelming I escape to chromatic scales, the smell of cork grease, the taste of wood reeds, and bits and pieces of memorized songs. Often feeling amazed at some of the black spatters on paper I used to play sometimes flawlessly.
There was also color guard. It was like expressing music in a whole 'nother light! I was always told, count, count, count! But I always just felt the music and let it move through me. I could break it down if I needed to, but I just moved with the music. Performing with a smile on my face and love in my heart.
I was also in choir. I loved singing. Memorizing music. Hearing it come together. Music was everywhere. Between music classes and english/writing classes in high school I was one happy camper.
Music and writing were engraved into the very essence of who I am at a very young age. But I was still lacking something. While I didn't feel complete when I didn't involve music in my life, I also started to realize I felt like I was missing something. I didn't find God until my senior year in high school, thanks to my husband and a couple of friends that planted the seed before him. So while I just did music and writing to survive then, I now know it is a way I can truly worship God and thank Him for how He created me to be.
I have learned playing my clarinet, singing along to worship music, and writing all can be a way I show him my thanks and my love.
I have learned worship doesn't have to be only with a smile in your heart. It can be with tears streaming down your face and your inner child stomping their feet and saying, "It's NOT FAIR!!" God loves me where I am at, and I will worship him from where I am at. He knows my heart. Heck, He created me!
I love to worship. If church service could include 10 songs every week I would be one happy camper. My heart swells with the music, the drums, guitar, and vocals bringing the words to life. I love worshiping with abandon, arms up high, eyes closed, and imagining I am singing to Jesus at his feet.
See, while singing and performance in general in high school was for the thrill to see our hard work to pay off...Worship is different. Worship is about saying thank You for all that You are to me God! Thank you for being here with me. Worship is between you and God. It doesn't matter if you hit every note perfectly, if your hands are stretched up, or tapping your thigh. It doesn't matter if sound cannot escape your lips because too many tears are cascading down your cheeks. It doesn't matter where you are singing to worship God...at work, in your car, while cleaning the house, while in the shower. It is still worship.
I would be silly to not let the love of music I feel to swell out into the world around me. I am filled with music, just as I am filled with the love and grace of God.
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