Birth Story - Part 2!

To start with, how about a recap?

• Find out AFI = 4.1 (aka amniotic fluid is low!), induction is recommended. Currently 50% effaced and 0 dilation (darn that cervix of steel I prayed for!!)
• Arrive at Labor and Delivery - to get told we are full, please go have dinner and come back.
• FIVE rounds of oral cytotec - finally 2cm dilated, but still 50% effaced. Just as a timeline, each round of cytotec took four hours, two of which I had to lay in bed hooked to monitors, one hour I could eat something light, and another hour we could walk around. Made it this far with two extra strength tylenol. Contractions 2-3 minutes apart consistently.
• Pitocin is started - was on it for at least five hours, laying in those uncomfortable labor beds, hooked up to blood pressure cuff, penicillin drip, plus the contraction and baby monitors. Dilation finally up to 2.5cm with same effacement. Discouragement. Tears. Contractions are now 7 in 10 minutes. Pitocin is turned off. At this point we are over 24 hours in to the induction. Send James home to sleep because obviously it is going to be awhile still.
• Take a small break to shower, walk around, eat, and then Cervidil inserted. After 12 hours, I am checked again. No change, just irritated cervix. Joy.
• Decide to try cytotec again. SIXTH Cytotec...oral due to cervix irritation. No change. Surprise, surprise.
• SEVENTH cytotec - vaginal. Spread out to every 6 hours for dosing due to different doctor. no further dilation but getting "mushier" they didn't tell me how effaced I was.
• EIGHTH cytotec - vaginal. Right around 3cm!! YAY! 
• Doctor decides it is time to break water, learn I didn't have low AFI (I gushed!).
• Pitocin is started again. Officially in what I would consider active labor. Back labor too. Not so fun.

Back labor was intense, and with monitors I was forced to pretty much lay flat on back because it was the only spot Matthew would cooperate and allow them to have him hooked up. When the doctor broke my water they took off the contraction monitor belt, and inserted the vaginal contraction monitor. By the time I finally talked them into letting me try sitting on the side of the bed so I could have my back rubbed for the back contractions...my cervix was SO sore from the monitor being up there. Back ached from labor (and laying in that horrid bed for over 60 hours at this point), cervix too sore to sit up, feeling miserable.

I caved. This woman that was shooting for completely natural, no pain medications...caved. The back labor, lack of sleep, uncomfortable bed, all made for one grumpy painful Jessica. I asked for an epidural.

Which took three tries to get it inserted into the correct place in my back. THREE. Breathing through contractions hunched over, getting SO angry and frustrated at the process of trying to place the epidural. Before epidural I was not making any change, still hanging tight at 3cm. Moments after epidural and getting cathed (which btw, I had avoided getting up to restroom because of how much pain I was in sadly...they got almost a full bag of urine out of my bladder. Insert jokes about having a nurses bladder already. At least it gave me something to laugh about!!), I was a FOUR!!! WOOHOO!!

Nurse informs me that it usually takes about an hour per cm for first time moms from this point forward. So we figure we have about six hours. Two hours later, after a nap, they check me again and find out I am SIX cm!! WOOHOO!! Baby is trying to come down the canal with head tipped so Dr. P has me roll over on my left side to persuade him to move some. James is getting stir crazy, so he heads over to rite aide to get us toothbrushes and a couple razors. He comes back about 45 minutes later to find me feeling like the baby is coming. Rolling on my side must have helped him engage more! I am experiencing so much pressure I ask James if he will look and see if he can see the baby. His response? "I'm not a *#@$ing doctor." Both of us are on the edge from the induction process and ready for baby Matthew to be here. 

We call the nurse, and of course my nurse is busy! I tell the nurse that answered call light that I am experiencing some intense pressure. She asks if I am feeling it more in my bottom or towards the front. At this point it was towards my bottoms, so she informs me I have a little while still. FINALLY my nurse comes in. She has me roll on my back and agrees to check me. She is rather surprised and says, "We are having a baby! Let me go tell Dr. P." 

The nurse, Christie, has James grab my left leg. And looks at Missy and says, "Hey sis, grab the right leg!" The pushing begins. It was this crazy feeling, exactly what you hear from people that you just KNOW you need to push. I am pushing and feeling like the baby is going to be here so soon, and my doctor still is no where to be seen. Christie is applying the lube and stretching me, when I finally ask, "WHEN IS DR. P GOING TO BE HERE!?!" Her response? "Soon, I am doing what she normally does!"

I am grunting some at this point, and feel like I am being ridiculously loud. So much that I apologize  and everyone laughs and asks me if I have been hearing the other women on the hall! The screams you hear are quite ridiculous at times let me tell you. I remember thinking if the woman put more effort into pushing and less into screaming maybe their baby would be there sooner. LOL And I have to say I still think that to this day!

Dr P finally comes in, looks at me, and stunned says, "Wow! We're going to have a baby! How long has she been pushing?"

"10 minutes."

"Woah! I thought I had time, went to my office, got my pen to sign the birth certificate...." Everyone laughs, except me. Dr P tries telling me to breath through this next contraction. 

I try, I really do, but my body is unrelenting. I manage to say, "I can't my body is pushing on it's own! I need to push!" 

Christie and Dr. P keep telling me I am doing great, especially for a first time mom. Each contraction I get a good three pushes in. And I tell you, I felt like a warrior (minus the epidural that I caved and got haha!). I even got to reach down and feel his head. It was AMAZING!! The monitor keeps losing his heart rate, and I can sense the concern from my doctor. So they do the heart rate monitor on baby that screws into his head with a small needle (SO glad I didn't know this at the time, all I knew was it was internal and could get the one off from my belly!).

At one point I yell (or rather it felt like yelling to me), "I want him OUT!" The nurse and the doctor laugh and again reiterate how wonderful I am doing, and Christie even adds that I am going to beat the woman next door that has been pushing for 2 hours already, with what I believe she said was her second child! 

Finally I am asked how I feel about a small cut, not an episiotomy, just a small cut to help give direction to the tear that is inevitably going to happen. I had been SO against getting cut, but at this point I say yes. She does a small little cut and one more push and little buddy's head is out! SUCH a relief. 

A friend once described the body coming out as kind of like the feeling of a fish flopping out of you, and I definitely have to agree!! One more push and out came our little man! And the shock and disbelief of seeing him. It was love at first sight, I couldn't believe he was finally here. I couldn't believe that he came out of me. 

He cries for the first 30 seconds and then is just alert and looking around. Immediately he is placed on my chest, and James gets to cut the umbilical cord (which James said was like cutting leather!). They take Matthew and clean him up, he isn't turning pink like they want him to, but his pulse ox is 100% with the oxygen on his face. So they continue with foot and hand prints. Then take him over to get weighed. Our little man is officially here weighing 6lbs 3.5oz, 20inches long at 6:24pm, 71 hours after beginning my first dose of cytotec, 6 hours after having my water broke, and only 30-45 minutes of pushing.

Yet this isn't the end. I give a small push and out comes the placenta. At this point I can see the concern mounting on Dr. P's face. My uterus keeps bleeding without ceasing. Thankfully the pitocin is still hooked up. They crank that and the fluids up and slowly my uterus contracts down and bleeding stops. 

Matthew is handed back to me and immediately his color improves. It was amazing to see! I am in awe and with tears in my eyes I ask James if he wants to hold him. His response, "I don't know how!" It was so cute and made my heart so happy to see him with tears in his eyes looking at us. He let me know so many times how great I did, and how beautiful I was. And how perfect our son was. James is a keeper, that is for sure!

I ask the nurse to help pass Matthew to James as I am still hooked up to the IV and the blood pressure cuff at this point. She says to him, "Here you go dad, your little burrito." And his nickname was born :-)

The doctor finishes stitching me up, informs me it was a very small tear and it won't take six weeks to heal. The epidural is starting to wear off and I am ready to get up to go to the restroom, they make me wait awhile and cath me instead.

I got to breast-feed our little guy, he does awesome and latches right on. Not going to lie it brought tears to my eyes to be able to experience such an amazing thing. 

Our favorite nurse came back on at this point, and she lets us know that Matthew needs to head to the nursery within an hour. James went with him. And I finally get to get out of that uncomfortable bed to go to the restroom. 

They warned me about the stitches hurting, but they were NOTHING compared to my bruised tail bone! It was the WORST and it still bugs me some days. We got to move over to the Mother/Baby Unit, and I got to push the birth button to make that amazing sound come across the hospital intercom. 

And in case anyone is curious, I didn't poop during delivery. :-) HAHAHA I had warned Missy and James, "I'm probably going to poop. A lot of women poop." Missy and James both let me know I didn't and it was quite exciting ;-)

And that my friends is the story of Matthew's Birth. But it wouldn't be the end of waiting and being frustrated for us. It was just the end of one chapter and the beginning of another chapter!

Two Weeks Old

Matthew,

How is it that two weeks have already passed? Two weeks. 14 days old already. I love every thing about you. Your little grunts, squeaks, that little noise that sounds like a billy goat, or the one that reminds me of a squirrel laughing. I adore the gassy little smiles. And the cuddles late in the night. Your long fingers, and skinny little toes. The Hillard thought/scowl lines. Your wrinkly old man butt and legs (I cannot wait to see you get some meat on your bones!), and your kissable little cheeks that are just now starting to fill out some.You are so perfect.

You have only been here two weeks but my heart feels like I have known you much longer. Before I carried you in my womb, I carried you in my heart. I carried you in my hopes and prayers. I begged, pleaded, cried, and fought depths of sadness to get to you. All the while somehow keeping the hope alive that one day God would bless us, and give us you. And you are so incredibly worth every moment of that journey.

Today I got out some "My First Christmas" items from my Christmas tote, and Daddy asked me where I got them from. I told him, I bought them before we had ever lived together, on clearance one year. He looked at you and said, "Mommy has been planning for you for a very long time." And it is true. To be honest, before I even knew God, before I would have even dreamed about getting married, I knew that one day I would be a mom.

Right now you are laying on my chest. And you always manage to scoot and squirm yourself so your head is over my heart. You could sleep there for hours and hours. You are so precious to me. My heart is so full. I have to be honest, I was concerned about baby blues and postpartum depression, but I look at you and I don't know how I could be sad. You are an answer to my prayers. You are a miracle. And you make my heart so happy. Any tears I have cried are over how amazing God is, and how incredibly blessed I am. The other day when taking you to town it still felt like a dream, could it be that you really were mine, that I wasn't simply babysitting like I had done all my life? I decided if it was a dream, anyone that came up to pinch me to wake me up I would punch them in the face and run away :-)

You have had a busy first couple weeks meeting family, and friends of Mommy & Daddy's. Then came your doctor's appointment, you gained an ounce! Your next appointment is this coming Thursday and I cannot wait to see how much you weigh. You have been eating like a champ, but last night you had such an upset tummy from gas that we had to give you gas drops for the first time. I am so sorry you got my side of indigestion issues. You get hiccups every time you eat and then we lay you right down.

I am pretty sure you had a clogged tear duct, so I made sure to use a warm clean wash cloth several times a day to clean your eye and rub the duct on each inner eye. It has gotten better, so I am assuming my guess was right, otherwise daddy and I were thinking allergies.

Funny moments have happened for us as well, I cannot tell you how many times you have peed on yourself, in spite of my best efforts to keep it from happening. Then came the time that I decided to try to be lazy and change you on my lap. That back fired on me, and on my light pink shirt. Lovely yellow breast milk poop. All down the front. Hilariously disgusting. I think the shirt is forever stained!

Well it is time for me to go pump, and for bed time.

Love you little man. You are so precious to my heart.

Mommy

One Week Old

Two Weeks Old

Birth Story - Part One

Wednesday morning (11/21/12) came and James and I headed into the OBs office knowing I was going to ask for an earlier induction. Matthew's movements had slowed and were making me anxious as in the back of my mind I heard the statistics of loss during the third trimester for women with a unicornuate uterus. To go that far and to lose him was NOT an option. at 36 weeks, I knew that he would be strong enough to survive on the outside, while my womb was seeming to be a more and more dangerous place by the day.

My NST took a little while to pass, he just didn't want to cooperate. Then came the ultrasound. James and I could both clearly see in the Right Upper Quadrant, and the Right Lower Quadrant there wasn't any fluid visible to measure. Then came the left, and all she measured was one spot of 4.1....4.1 is well below the 6 where they decide to induce. I had been warning James that Wednesday was going to be the day, I had spent all weekend and the beginning of the week cooking food to freeze, attempting to finish some chores around the house, and just mentally preparing.

I was right. The doctor said that it was the day for Matthew to come meet us as faces and not just voices. We went home, took a nap, got the rest of the hospital things around, and ran the errands that were needed. At 4pm we showed up at the hospital to start the induction, for them to tell us that they were full and to come back between 5 and 6. I guess that was the first warning of how my induction was going to go: hurry up, and wait.

We went to dinner together at Applebee's. I started having contractions 5 minutes apart and thought surely we were going to have a Thanksgiving baby. Boy was I wrong. The doctor had checked me at the appointment I was 50% effaced and not dilated at all. Cervix of steel wasn't ready to let Matthew join the world. I wish I would have asked after the first day on IV fluid and not doing anything all day for them to check on his fluid level again. It would have saved us several days in the hospital, and probably the struggles we later had with our little man.

They decided the first line of defense was going to be cytotec by mouth. I was SUPER anxious, because I remembered how painful doing the miscarriage with cytotec was. Then they explained to me that with an at home miscarriage they usually use 600-800mg and for induction it is only 50mg because baby would not tolerate a higher dose (I looked once home I had taken 800mg vaginally, and then 400mg by mouth). When doing cytotec you are allowed ice chips, and are continuously monitored for both contractions and fetal heart rate the first 2 hours after taking the pill, followed by a two hour break where you can move freely and eat the first hour if you are feeling up to it. And I was! We walked so much around that third floor of the hospital I got to know the faces on the walls pretty well. After several (I cannot remember at this point if it was four or five...) doses of cytotec by mouth, they decided to just go for the pitocin. I was 2cm dilated at the point and not any further effaced. In the hopefulness of the nurse, she started my penicillin IV for my Group B Strep. Bad choice...after two doses that vein was trash, it ached, it was inflamed  and let me tell you I could deal with the contractions much better than the burning of the medicine going into my vein. Crazy how certain pains affect people differently.

The pitocin really did nothing for me other than make my contractions too close together (7 in 10 minutes, I was miserable without any time between contractions to re-cooperate from the previous one) so they ended up shutting it off. And taking another try: Cervidil. They let me have a little break, I showered, ate and then said OK I am ready to go. I believe by this time it was Thursday night. My sister stayed with me and I let James go home. James was fighting off a cold (actually Thursday they said he was showing signs and symptoms of bronchitis but his lungs sounded clear *they did this when he had pneumonia last time as well* so to play it safe for both his and Matthew's sake they gave him antibiotics) and the spot they had for him to sleep was horrid. Especially for being a bigger guy.

The nurses kept telling me that by looking at my little guy on the fetal monitor strip they would not guess he was a low AFI. I guess I should have taken this as their hint to tell me ASK FOR ANOTHER ULTRASOUND! By Thursday I was miserable. I was tired of laying in the hard beds, by back ached from back labor, and I was getting cranky in general with so many contractions but lack of change in my darling cervix.

Finally I was at 2.5cm, but still 50% effaced. Doctors came in and gave me the option of c-section. But I stood my ground, I plan on God allowing us to have at least one more child, and I did not need the c-section to add to my risk factors. They decided to go ahead with another dose of oral cytotec because I was feeling SO tender near my cervix due to the cervidil. Surprise, surprise...it did nothing. THEN came the big guns, cytotec vaginally.

My contractions got a bit stronger, I started to feel my cervix change a little bit. One pill wasn't enough though, another vaginal cytotec was used. FINALLY I was somewhere between a 2.5 and 3cm and really "mushy" when Doctor P came in and told me she thought it was time to break my water. I was entirely for it at this point! And boy were we in for a surprise.

It took a little bit, but finally my water was broke. And the flood gates opened. I GUSHED, it felt like gallons of water. Definitely like I had just peed all over the bed. But good news, the fluid was clear. :-) The doctor was surprised and kind of looked disappointed in the fact that I had laid in bed all this time for essentially nothing, she said, "Well, that's definitely not an AFI of 4. But there's no going back now. You're going to have a baby!" Pitocin was started back up, and labor had officially begun to progress for me at this point.

And now bedtime for me, Matthew has made a few squeaks, so soon he might want to eat again then praying for a 3-3.5 hour stretch of sleep. I am going to pump and then see if he is waking up by then. I will leave you with one picture of my little peanut today, as he is now one week old (how CRAZY is that?). My heart swells with how blessed James and I truly are, and I cannot believe that this little being came from inside of my body. That James and I created this little boy that is so perfect in our eyes. He is handsome and everything I have prayed for during the pregnancy for him has came true for the most part. God is too good to us. My heart overflows.

Blood Pressure Concerns

I have been blessed with many medical issues, most of which have caused issues with pregnancy, so why would my blood pressure be any different?

Unicornuate Uterus, Clotting Disorder, PCOS, Varicose Veins (thank goodness only in pregnancy) and Hypertension.

I thought that with exercise and weight loss my hypertension would get better, and it did. I was able to cut my dose in half. With weight gain (around 20lbs now :-( boo!) and pretty much nonexistent exercise...my blood pressure is creeping up. 32 weeks of pure bliss being under 120/80 or right around there (most likely between 100-110/66-78). Then suddenly at my last appointment my BP was 135/93. To my defense, they didn't retake it to check later, the nurse did it over my thin jacket and long sleeve shirt, and I had been stressed about a test for microbiology.

The doctor told me if I was 36 weeks they would be moving me over to labor and delivery to take the baby. At first I thought he meant C-Section and everything, then he mentioned how baby is head down and that means we will most likely avoid C-Section as long as my body cooperates (thank goodness!). He said the goal right now, instead of 39 weeks is 36 weeks unless this one blood pressure is a random event. He was concerned with possible sign of pre-eclampsia. Which if you didn't know is only cured by delivery. I have had no huge complaints this pregnancy and would love to stay pregnant for at least 5 more weeks to allow our son to be to term, and know that he will be avoiding the NICU.

He went on to say if my next appointment I was still running 130s/90s that they would be upping my appointments from not ONCE a week but TWICE. Two trips to Lansing, plus two trips to Battle Creek, on top of working in Hastings? Um...yikes. Can you say holy business (and gas money! at least the prices are down some...). And if my blood pressure goes up to 140s on top...then I would be delivering the baby that day. Um...holy guacamole!

Suddenly I was forced to admit that I did not have 7-8 weeks to meet the baby, but instead have most likely 4 at tops. Can you say emotional roller coaster? Our house is a unorganized mess, the nursery isn't put together, and our hospital bags are not packed. I was a huge B-word, I will admit it. James couldn't do anything right, I was told to stay off my feet and try to relax (when I even said I would be praying about it, the doctor's response was, "well you can do that laying down, God will understand."), but there was (ok is...lets face it) SO much to do! And James has been sick the past week, thankfully he is starting to feel better even though his cough sounds disgusting still.

So I bought an automatic blood pressure cuff, and have been tracking like crazy. Fingers puffy? Take blood pressure and drink a huge glass of water (we are talking 3-4 servings in one sitting, at least 4 times a day...I am a peeing machine). Headache? Take blood pressure (and maybe a nap ;-) wishful thinking some days with my lovely acid reflux). Feeling "off"? take blood pressure. Been busy at work? Take blood pressure.

In all of this, I have had 2 readings where my blood pressure was elevated. Both were after busy moments at work, once was 130/80, and another 135/85. The rest of the time I have averaged 118/76, with one time where I felt off it was 106/62. Yes, low. How is that for crazy blood pressure?

So all I can do is pray, and believe God is going to allow me and this baby to safely go past the expected 36 weeks that the doctor gave me. Which would be November 19th in case you are wondering. I am still shooting for a December birth, but it is ultimately in God's hands. I just want our son to be healthy and avoid a stay in the NICU.

Before meeting with the doctor, the ultrasound went well, the amniotic fluid level was right where it needed to be, and while it took some persuasion to get him to move for the nice lady (LOTS of pushing on tummy and me telling him to move! lol) they eventually saw the movements they needed to and she even saw him doing practice breaths. He definitely takes after his dad on not wanting people to take pictures of him, he was hiding his face again, but did show us his not-so-tiny feet (one of which you could count five toes for sure!) and his perfect little hand with all five fingers (ok maybe also not-so-tiny...I may have a baby giant growing in my belly, we shall have to wait and see when he gets here!).

Then came the NST, if you haven't had to do a Non-Stress Test (NST) they are something else! You get hooked up to two belts, one that picks up on any potential contractions, and another that monitors the baby's heart rate. Let me tell you, little mister did not enjoy having something trying to track him. He kept moving away, or kicking the monitors. He was so much more active during this part than during the ultrasound. It took awhile to see the accelerations that they wanted to, but didn't have to worry about meeting the count kick requirements. It was amazing listening to his heartbeat for that length of time. But his kicks were SO much louder than his heartbeat and made me jump!

So...today's task? Finish packing our hospital bags. Yes, bags, I am an over packer. We have one with snacks, the ipod/ipod dock, and movies for James in case we end up being at the hospital for awhile. And another with our clothes and toiletries, and third for baby's things. I am an over-packer. This will be no different, but I promise, if you need something...it will most likely be in one of our bags! :-)

I need to get motivated though, I have to go to my micro lab. And I would love to finish packing the bags and have my list of last minute things I need to get to put in them.

But a nap sounds SO tempting!!

Hope you have a wonderful day!

Let the Weekly Appointments Begin!

Life has been hectic lately. Between work, baby showers, trying to get the nursery put together, and life in general...Oiy! This pregnant woman gets TIRED! And warm...holy toots I swear I am an oven! Even more so now that our pellet stove is hooked up through the furnace. Have a feeling we will have no problem staying warm this winter! Which is a good thing with a baby on the way!

James is in busy season at work, got to love the farming world...harvest = many more hours at work and less at home. I will be excited for him once harvest is over and he is finally on days. He is also currently fighting a cold, so prayers that it passes quickly without infecting me would be wonderful this girl doesn't need to get sick, and to prevent i I have diligently been drinking OJ with Emergen-c and taking all of my vitamins.

Two weeks ago I had quite a scare, I really thought Matthew was going to decide to come early. My Tuesdays and Thursdays are REALLY long days due to work and school, meaning that I am usually up for 24 hours straight with up to one to two 1-2 hour naps. It was causing me to have some contractions. Mixed with the fact that he decided to explore the shadow land of my uterus, also termed.. the dark side. It causes so much pressure and cramping when he tries to stretch out on that side. Enough that I prayed, poked, and prodded until he moved back other to my right side. The contractions at the worst were 5 minutes apart, about 20 seconds each. This only lasted for about 20 minutes (before that it was only every 15 minutes or so for an hour or two), until I was able to guzzle a ridiculous amount of water and lay down for awhile. That night I called in tardy to work.  It hasn't happened since, but I have been trying to keep up on drinking 14-18 servings of water a day! I feel like I should have an IV hooked up to me to keep me properly hydrated, and a catheter inserted as often as I am drinking water and running to the bathroom!

Last week began my weekly appointments. That appointment was mainly to check the growth of our little man. Which he measured in in the middle of the growth chart at 3lbs 11oz. His little femur was 5.84cm long (or close to 2 and a quarter inches) and his head is measuring a week ahead!! Holy wow! Hillards do have big noggin's that is something we can attribute to that side ;-)

At this appointment I learned the reason that we are doing weekly appointments has more to do with the history of hypertension and clotting disorder, and less to do with my uterus shape. Every appointment from here on out there will be an ultrasound to check the amniotic fluid level, and the functioning of the placenta and umbilical cord. At my 35 (and possibly 39) week appointment they will also be checking the growth of the baby again. On top of the ultrasounds they will be starting nonstress tests, basically this will watch for any contractions, and see how the baby is dealing with them okay. The doctor also informed me that they usually induce at 39 weeks for those that have hypertension.

This was news to me, and made me quite sad! She said we can play it week by week. But, to be honest, God has made a way and answered every prayer for this little guy thus far...from silly things from him being head down at 19 weeks so he wouldn't get stuck in breach position, to more serious things such as helping me keep him cooking into the third trimester. We will have to wait til birth to see if he got James' dimples though ;-). So by our praying for my blood pressure to stay controlled, and the placenta to continue functioning properly...I have to have faith that God will make a way for this as well and our little man will come into the world in his timing, and will allow mommy to come out from labor with a wonderful natural labor story.

Anyways, I thought I would share photos, all the ones that I have been slacking on thus far...along with a few edited maternity photos! Then nap time before work, and hopefully talking James to help me move things into the nursery and out of our hallway before work!!

A Story to Give You Goosebumps...& Feelings of Dizziness

Once in awhile the residents at my work will make mention to our babies.

One once told me "You're the one that's good with the babies."
My response, "I don't have babies." (I didn't feel like going into my miscarriages with her....)
She replied, "Yeah, but you did once. And you hopefully will again one day."

Then, the same resident that talked to me last night, once said something along the lines of, "Your kids are so adorable!"
"Hun, I dont have kids."
My coworker said, "Really, you have a kids? Haha, I wonder if she can tell about your miscarriages."
"FOUR!" The resident yells out.

At that time I had had four miscarriages. She was right.

The last night, she looked at me and asked, "Do you have your kids with you?"
"Only the one in my tummy that I know of."
"Well they are so cute!"
Coworker, "They are naming the one in her tummy Matthew."
She just smiled at us, and told me again my babies were cute.

I have to believe her, but I might be a little bias.

On another note twice now I have suddenly felt really dizzy, mixed with hot flash/clammy feeling, and overall felt like I could faint/pass out. Once it happened while sitting, and last night it happened when walking around.

Last night it was way worse than the first time, to the point that I told my coworkers I had to sit down. And at one point I even saw bright white floaters.

It was an hour after I took my blood pressure medicine this time. And when wee finally were able to sit down (a little over an hour after the episode started) my blood pressure was 102/72 which is what it was the first time, making me really think it is low blood pressure. So now following doctors orders, they say I need to increase fluids (I already drink 10 glasses a day at least...), eat protien with every small meal, and take blood pressure at different times during the day (if it is on the low side the majority of times, they will lower my prescription).

After feeling like I was ran over by a bus, I slept like a rock. For seven hours. And now still have a small headache.

Here's to hoping this all goes away. And to think, they just warned me that the third trimester could bring increase in blood pressure. God must be watching out for me on that one. Because lately it has been really low for me.....

Time for tylenol, huge glass of water, and the need to do quite a bit of homework.

27 weeks already...

Can you believe it? 27, that means less than 13 and our little guy will be here. It is hard for me to wrap my mind around. 3 months. There is so much that I want to do around the house!

• Finish Painting the Nursery
• Get the trim up in the nursery
• Order and put up the wall clings
• Put together the crib (which by the way I need to put out another shout out to Marva Selby for kindly and amazingly purchasing for us. I am not going to lie, I cried. James and I fully planned on needing to purchase the crib, dresser, and glider/rocker for the nursery. Now we have one less purchase on that list. I am thinking we are going to be blessed by family and friends more than my wildest imagination could have ever dreamed of.)
• Wash the walls (I have started noticing finger prints everywhere...adult finger prints, wouldn't mind so much if they were little kid ones)
• Get the railing put back up on the stairs
• Get better organized in the bathroom so crap can be up off the counter top
• Figure out organization in the Kitchen, trying to imagine where we are going to shove bottles is a little daunting to think about at times...
• Clean our bed room, I still haven't moved out the clothes that I do not fit at this moment in time, they are boxed up but not moved to the basement.
• Take care of all of these lovely empty needles from my lovenox shots...I have them chilling in a huge pickle jar right now, very decorative, and classy...I assure you!
• Have everything cleaned and organized before baby shower that will be thrown here (it will be nice to only have to lug things up to the baby room instead of in the car, then out of the car and into the house) and then KEEP it that way.

James and I had been planning a weekend away in Oct for shopping at an outlet mall and Cabela's, but it looks like it may be too busy for him at work, so those plans are kind of up in the air and on hold until last minute.

I have noticed that my emotions are getting the best of me lately, I cry quite easily if something chokes me up. Thankfully, no one else has been with me to experience these moments when they happen. I am sure they would look at me like an alien. 

I also have noticed more pain when switching sides in bed, ouch! Definitely need to learn to slow down when I move, bending over is getting to be a little more difficult as well as I need to catch my breath a lot quicker than usual. Where I park at school I have three flights of stairs to go up, carrying a heavy backpack...not going to lie, this week I chose the elevator (which makes me feel fat and lazy, I would even take the stairs most days when I was lugging my huge nursing bag). 

On the fat and lazy feeling, I don't think I mentioned this...my doctor's scale tried telling me I gained SIX pounds in one week. Um, NO! It was my first time wearing tennis shoes and jeans, and holy cow. I mean MOOO, It said I weighed more than where I started when I lost weight. It read a big blaring 210 at me. And I wanted to cry! So I weighed myself at home again the next day, 204.2. Which is still up 12.4lbs, but much better than 18. So I was having a, "I feel fat today, and definitely not pretty" day. When I told a co-worker I felt like my belly was just fat, like Santa, like it jiggled like a bowl full of jelly. (lol) and she kindly reminded me, "You are PREGNANT! And regardless of your weight gain, you haven't gained anywhere else that I can notice..." 

So that helped, and then in when stepping on the scale again the next day, I joked about how 5lbs of gain is probably all in the tatas. And they say that you can go up another cup size when your milk comes in. Oiy. This could be an experience.

I was feeling a bit better about myself, when I got asked if I had a month and a half to go. Nope, three. I got several comments that day (and the next) about how I am going to be out there. Well, yes, that is what happens during pregnancy. Your belly gets big and you begin to feel like you have an alien growing inside of you, turning you into a whale. And women do carry babies so differently. And we as people have the tendency to judge based on how other's look at such points. 

Thankfully my husband loves me, and tells me I am beautiful, and that I truly am not as big as others at time make me feel! I would be quite lost without him, he is such a hardworking man, and I cannot wait to have that week off together after the baby comes, it will be nice to see him relax and be in daddy mode.

This week Jenny and I went and visited Mike & Darcy in the hospital to see their newest addition Harper. She was born on the 18th at 910 am, weighed 8lbs 5oz, 20 inches long. She is a keeper! And quite cuddly. We brought them fast food for dinner, and before that Jen showed me that TJMaxx has some pretty good deals on onesies in the multipacks. I resisted in buying our Mr. anything, but got Harper some cute long sleeve onesies, and one that says Little Sister. After the baby showers are done, TJMaxx and I might have a visit to stock up on some things I am still lacking though ;-). We were there the same time as our other friends Ben & Laura. They had their little girls there, and it is hard to believe how big and independent Alli has become, and how much of a cute little cuddle bug Brooklynn is! Anyways, Darcy & Harper are both doing well and last I knew were anxiously waiting to come home!

Wow, this has turned into a huge post, kudos to you if you continued reading my random ramblings. I hope I at least got a smile or an amused shake of the head along the way. Before I go to attempt to do an exam, I should probably post the pictures that I intended for this post. Then I need to try to figure out how to make my lower back feel a bit better, bring on the stretches!

So amazing to see my belly grow, sometimes it still feels like a dream...

Yesterday's Ultrasound & Thoughts

Well yesterday I had my 27 week ultrasound. It is truly amazing to see our little one as he gets bigger and bigger. Such a huge blessing! From beginning of second trimester up until this point the ultrasounds have been every other week, but I have a four week break. During these four weeks I am praying for little (or no) anxiety about the baby, and lots of fetal movement so I know all is well!

I cannot help but feel like we are in the final stretch of this pregnancy. I am trying to relish in every little moment. Remember what the flutters, kicks, rolls, and hiccups have felt like. Remembering what it was like to realize, "I think I'm pregnant", to the point where I realized, "This could be our take home baby, finally!" And to now where I am still sitting on the edge teetering, hoping and believing that even as delicate as this small life inside of me is, that God will pull through on this blessing and allow us to have a son. Here on Earth, and not another in heaven.

Some days my faith is SO strong and I believe that he will make it to full term, believing that we have no worries for him to be here until December hits.

Other days, I think what it would be like to have a baby staying in the NICU while returning home empty handed. Or worse. But I do not let my mind dwell on these thoughts for long, because I know our God is not a God of fear. And it is to Him that I look for strength and hope.

These next four weeks without a glimpse into my baby's world are going to be pretty jam packed I have a feeling. There is SO much that I want to get done around the house. From making things better organized, to keeping a cleaner house (this is truly a struggle for me), to finishing our little one's nursery, having a weekend away with James, getting outfits around for maternity pictures, my work baby shower, a baby shower for friends (the family shower will be after my next ultrasound!), and getting the house ready for winter.

Because after these four weeks, anything can truly happen! At my next ultrasound I will be 31 weeks, they will be checking on the baby's growth and most likely checking for amniotic fluid levels. At 32 weeks my weekly appointments filled with an hour NST and ultrasounds to check fluid levels start. At 35 weeks, another growth ultrasound. And again at 39 weeks. Mixed in with the long appointments of NST, Ultrasound, and checkups with my doctors.

It is going to be a whirlwind! I hope I am up for all of the craziness of school, work, doctor's appointments, holidays, and life in general. If I start to lose it, kindly remind me that we have been waiting two years to hold our own little baby and that all of this will melt away as soon as he is placed in my arms. I am SO looking forward to that blessed moment, the moment that I have prayed for, longed for, and hoped would one day happen.

On to my ultrasound appointment, other than the doctor's office being rather slow this time, everything went well! James was actually able to come with me this time around, and most likely able to come for my next one. I love seeing him look at our son and say things like, "He really is getting bigger!" He is going to be a great dad, and I cannot wait to see him in action.

When we got into the room for the ultrasound, they started over my abdomen. The ultrasound tech allowed us to enjoy watching our little guy move about before she started doing the measurements. First she measured the abdomen, then moved onto the femur. She took some shots of his profile, the placenta, and measured his heart beat (it was 140 this time). I loved watching him blink his eyes, and at one point we are unsure if he was sucking his finger, but it looked like he was saying "Shhhhhh!" I don't think he was too happy with the fact that he was so content head down, again right in my pelvis, and we were trying to get him to move up enough so she could measure his head. The tech had me rock side to side, I even tried poking him, but he was content and stubbornly refused to move (which is okay with me, head down means higher chance of not needing a C-Section!).

Next she moved on to the transvaginal portion to see about measuring his head and my cervix. I know this may be horrid, but I call it the dildo cam...because that really is what it is comparable to in my opinion. I am definitely not disappointed that this is my last meeting with this wand. My cervix is still measuring super long at 4.6cm. Definitely thinking I may need to start walking so it can begin to shorten as the baby gets bigger. At the end she did all the calculations, the amniotic fluid level was perfect, and our little guy is estimated to weigh 2lbs 5oz. I know that growth ultrasounds can be off by a pound (or more the further along you are, and it also depends on the skill level & accuracy of the ultrasound tech), but if this is his true weight that means in 12 days he gained 1 lb, 1 oz. That is CRAZY!

When talking to the doctor he explained why the increase in watching the baby after 32 weeks. Being that I am a high risk pregnancy (unicornuate uterus -UU-, controlled hypertension, and a clotting disorder) at 32 weeks they could intervene if necessary and deliver the baby with a greater chance that he would survive. The amniotic fluid level checks are due to my UU because of the higher chances of loss in the third trimester. It also gives them a chance to look at my placenta, because due to hypertension, after 32 weeks the placenta can go "haywire" he said. Basically, this means how efficiently the placenta is giving oxygen and nutrients to the growing baby that needs more and more could start to fail to meet the baby's needs and at that point it would be safer for the baby to be out breathing in oxygen instead of in and breathing amniotic fluid. My hypertension is well controlled, and though I am at a higher risk for preclamsia due to both PCOS and hypertension, I really do not forsee it being an issue (praying against it!).

Oh, and we also met with another doctor I hadn't met yet. I think that I have two or three more to meet before I can say I have met everyone in the office. The great thing is, there is only one that I still do not like! My next ultrasound appointment is with another doctor I haven't met yet, and then I will probably try to get in to see my main doctor for the following week.

It is crazy to think that in another week I will be out of the second trimester and into the third. This pregnancy is going by faster and faster the further along I get. Discomforts and all, James and I are so incredibly blessed to be this far and so thankful that our little guy is doing well!

It was truly amazing to see the detail of his nose and lips at the appointment!
 

 

We both really believe this is a smile that he is showing off here,
like haha, try to get me to move. I'll show you!
Watching the eyes blink was amazing on 2D,
I am supposed to be going to LCC for a free 3D ultrasound at some point,
and cannot wait to see this little guy's features that way!

Oh and I also realized, I never updated with last weeks bump photo in a post...so here it is! Look for this weeks in a post later today or tomorrow! And if you didn't know there is a link to another page at the top of my blog labeled "Baby Hillard" that allows you to see both of our growth from the very beginning of the pregnancy. Including all the ultrasound & bump pictures you could dream of! :-)

24w6d Bump Update & a Little More!

Bump Update!

First of all, can you believe it? I am 25 weeks now!! So AMAZING. I am overjoyed and over the moon the happy with all the blessings God has poured out on us with this little man! I am so thankful and reminded of what a blessing I have growing inside of me every time I feel his little kicks and squirms.

Loving the baby bump!!

The progression in such a short time truly amazes me.
You can also tell that little guy moved up some since last appointment. 

Ultrasound Visit!

We got in rather quickly, and it was like he KNEW they were going to try getting his picture again, he pushed his butt right out at the lady as soon as I laid down and lifted up my shirt for the abdominal portion of ultrasound! lol He is still head down but more towards my left hip bone instead of in my pelvis. I hope this is a good thing and he doesn't choose to lay transverse instead of head down eventually. He is still definitely a he, I recognized boy parts before she said anything! His Heartbeat was 150, amniotic fluid level was perfect they said, and my cervix was still an amazing 4.7cm. My doctor today said that I was showing off, because it only needs to be 2.5cm to make them happy at this point. I am glad it is still long and strong because I have a feeling it will shorten quickly when it is time due to the weight of the baby and such (that and I have been praying for it to thin when it is supposed to without any medical intervention! And my prayers for cervix of steel have worked, so why won't this ;-D)

They finally got a profile picture of this little guy. Placenta has now moved more over to my right but still half front/half side. Which would be why I have been feeling more kicks on top middle of belly! When he really gets moving he is punching (or drumming as some would say) above my left pelvis/hip bone, and kicking upper middle belly. Truly amazing! He is getting so BIG!! And I still have 15 weeks to go! 

On a side note, I had a new doctor today Dr. Alsamsam. he was very nice and I would recommend him seeing him at some point if you are at Sparrow OBGYN. I have really tried to see all the doctors there in the practice (there are TEN!) because I would HATE for me to meet a doctor for the first time when delivering our Son. I still need to meet three of the other doctors...but the ones I have met, I liked them all, except one. One I refuse to see due to poor bedside manner when I miscarried the second time, so praying that she isn't the doctor on call when delivery time comes! Feel free to ask more questions if you are thinking about switching doctors :-)

My next ultrasound is on Sept 17th. They will be doing the last cervical length check, and checking the growth of our little guy. I assume they will probably check the amniotic fluid as well since they started it this week. I need to do my gestational diabetes test before then as well. I have already had to do a three hour when I wasn't pregnant...and it wasn't too fun. (Quite boring really) But because of this I know the drink isn't too horrid, more like a super sugary fruit punch. BUT it does make me nervous for the test! They said I don't need to fast, but to avoid sugary things the night before and morning of. Wish me luck!

Labor Day Weekend!

What a wonderful weekend with family! We spent the whole weekend with James's side. Booger & Jess camped at Jay & Deana's while James and I spent the night at our house, and Laura & Jo came down for Saturday. It was nice having everyone together, it would have been even more perfect if Gaugers had been there and Laura & Jo had spent Saturday night! 

Saturday was the day the guys worked on the house to finish up the siding, Deana, Jess & the girls, and I went to the parade in Woodland. We hung out with Jessi's family and it was lots of fun seeing everyone. Later that night James enjoyed himself a drink (or two, or three....you get the picture!) and was definitely feeling pretty good and smiley! lol We sat outside that night til around midnight with Booger, Jess, Laura, and Jo. I love having everyone together. It is for sure a good laugh!

Sunday James was feeling a bit "out of it" but it was another good day with family. Yummy breakfast, delicious dinner (and some yummy homemade ice cream!), and fun times with the girls! James even got brave and offered to hold onto Lynzey, and even got her to fall asleep. (Gasp! If you knew my hubby this is a HUGE surprise. He avoids other people's babies like the plague. He said they are too small, and worries about breaking them. He once rationalized to me, that it will be different with our own because if he breaks it then it will be okay. LOL). I missed the whole thing because I was shopping with Deana, but I hear he was pretty proud of himself! :-)

At one point during the weekend Audrey, sitting on my lap told me, "You can take Lynzey, and I will take (pointing to my belly) that one!" It really gave me a good laugh. Jessi told her that she didn't want a brother, that she only knew how to take care of girls, and that Lynzey was too good of a baby to trade. :-) The crazy things the girls come up with! I truly enjoy every moment that I get to spend with them. We never seem to make the time to get together more often. I am hoping we can make this change after our little guy is here, I want him to grow up and have so many fun memories with his cousins!! Graysi & Audrey are growing up too quickly, and I am sure soon Lynzey will be in the same boat! Kids grow up WAY too fast.

Exercise!

Oiy! We went for a walk Sunday with Jess, Booger, the girls, and our dogs...It was WONDERFUL. But SO hot, it might have been part of how out of shape I am now from lack of exercise since being pregnant...I am SO out of shape now it is ridiculous! I did prenatal yoga today, and intend on working in more walking with Jack on the days that I do not have to work. Because heaven knows I need it (and so does our little chunky dog!).

Tonight I did the Yoga DVD for only 20 minutes and burned 125 calories...doing Yoga....should I reiterate how out of shape I am? It felt good to get the blood circulating! I need to get some of the bloat from crappy eating all weekend out of my system! 

School!

I have quite a bit of homework that I am dreading attacking. Tomorrow between Microbiology lecture and lab I am going to be hitting the books and working on Statistics. I am hoping to get as much of the online classes out of the way early as possible for just in case little guy decides to make an early appearance (I am still hoping that there is a possibility that James could share a birthday with our son! but I would rather not share a birthday with him. November birthdays right near gun season start SUCK, plus that would make him a month early...and I would rather he be full term!). This semester I am tackling 10 credits, plus working part time. On top of this, I am hoping to continue averaging working 8 days a pay period from now until the baby comes. 

I tend to procrastinate (like now), so you may get some updates a little more often from here on out! haha :-)

For real, I haven't done any house work today, and I need to tackle reading for microbiology, along with looking over what we need to do for lab. So I will have to let you go!

23w6d Bump Update

Little man you are one day away from viability!! I did some research and you would be considered a micro preemie, you'd have eyelashes, and eyebrows. But your little eyes would still be fused shut. You'd need help to breath due to premature lung development, and it would be a long journey in the NICU. You'd be about the length of a corn cob, and weigh around a pound and a half (amazing that I am carrying you inside of me and you grew from smaller than a pin head to how big you are now! And some days by how much movement I feel you definitely feel SO much bigger!). One of the factors that impact survival at this age is birth weight, which makes me so happy that you were in the 55th percentile at last appointment, and were guessed to weigh 1lb 4 oz already. They say that babies that weigh more than 2lbs 3 oz do much better than those that weigh less.

BUT the good thing is, God has answered my prayers to have a cervix of steel, and you are safe and sound inside my womb still! I truly believe I do not need to worry about preterm delivery (especially this early) but I love being informed and educated about EVERYTHING it seems. If I don't know something, Google becomes my best friend. I hope you have this same craving for education and learning random facts about random things. I pray you will excel in school, and you will love life and learning something new every day.

On to the bump photos...here they are! I am smiling even though I feel like a hillbilly because my front tooth's bonding that fixed a chip in my left front tooth fell out! It is horrible. And quite embarrassing. You cannot tell in these pictures, but when I laugh or talk, it is not pretty. I am so blessed to have good teeth, minus this one chip. I pray for you that you have strong, healthy, cavity resistant, teeth! Right now it feels so awkward to smile, to eat, and to talk. Not fun! And to top it off, I cannot get into the dentist until Friday, and my first day of class is Thursday!! Seriously, what dentist goes on vacation? :-P

You can tell this is the side little guy sits on
if you look at me facing this way and compare it to me facing the other way

See! Not quite as big looking! lol
But look how long my hair is getting! :-D I LOVE it!

Little man is definitely pushing is little butt out during this picture,
making my belly more pronounced.
I also have been trying to keep up on drinking more water
And eating healthier...weight this week shows it! :-)
Which makes me VERY happy!!

Look how far my belly has come!
about 13 weeks til I am considered full term, 16 weeks til my due date!

Also, I realized I never shared my ultrasound pictures from last ultrasound so here they are:

Crockpot Salsa Chicken

I didn't take any pictures this time around, but will definitely share the link to the pin that I found this recipe at, and they have a picture :-)

Can you say DELICIOUS? I have really been on a Mexican kick lately: tacos, fajitas, seven layer taco dip, and these salsa chicken tacos. YUM I bet this would be good on nachos instead of beef.

This is how you make it, again I altered their recipe. I could have cut back on some of the salsa/sour cream/cream of mushroom.

Here is the original recipe: (You can find it HERE)

• 4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts (frozen is okay!)
• 1 cup salsa
• 1 can cream of chicken soup
• 1 packet taco seasoning
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 6 tortillas

But here is what I did:

• 28 oz of chicken (again I needed to weigh it for calories)
• 1 cup bean and corn salsa
• 1/2 cup medium salsa
• 1 1/2 cups sour cream
• 1 1/2 cups cream of MUSHROOM soup
• 1 packet of McCormick Fajita seasoning
• 5/8 cup whole wheat flour (again only because I wanted to thicken it up a bit...decrease some of the sour cream and salsa you should be fine)

I used what I had, and was going to add mushrooms to it, but got too busy before work and too tired in the morning when I got home to add it.

I mixed the salsa, sour cream, cream of mushroom soup, and fajita seasoning together in crock pot before adding the chicken. I put on low before I went to work and had James stir it and put crock pot on keep warm when he got home. I probably would have been done then! But I love how nice it is just to have something simmering warm on the counter when it comes home so I can have a quick bit to eat (I have been quite hungry lately, little man is already eating us out of house and home! ;-) hahaha).

When I got home I took the chicken out, shredded it and added the flour to the sauce to thicken it up. Then replaced in slow cooker on low to finish thickening a bit until we got up and I helped James get his lunch around.

This time I weighed the food so we could go by ounces. We tend to weigh our food more than measure with measuring (James likes it better! and it is more accurate). This recipe made 13 servings of about 4 ounces (it is like 3.9) for 146 calories, 13 carbs, 5 g of fat, and 15 g of protein.

The good thing about this recipe is you could add other veggies to get some extra into diet (I was thinking mushrooms, maybe a few more onions, could even add some diced peppers or I bet black olives would be good as well). AND you can make it as spicy as your taste buds wish. Like it hot? Use spicy taco seasoning and hot salsa, and you could even add hot sauce. Like it mild? Use a mild taco seasoning and mild taco seasoning. It is delicious with cheese on top in a taco shell. Yum!

I am looking forward to eating this for lunch today! (I ate breakfast at like 2, gotta love third shift!)

Next Crock Pot Adventure: undecided, need to search pinterest for what I want to try making. James is asking for Chili! But honestly, I am not very good at making a small pot of chili so that might wait for next week when I know we can have people over to help eat it!

Today I am also 23w6d and that means picture day! =D woohoo!

Listen To This Little One...

Listen to the Mustn'ts, child, listen to the Don'ts
Listen to the Shouldn'ts, the Impossibles, the Won'ts.
Listen to the Never Haves, then listen close to me.
Anything can happen, child, Anything can be.
                                                         -Shel Silverstein

The above poem truly warms my heart. May you forever listen to God and know that anything can happen, any thing is possible. You are our proof of this.

I cannot sleep today, allergies and post-nasal drip are wrecking havoc on my throat and ability to sleep. I sit here sipping on some warm cinnamon apple tea, in hopes of soothing my throat some. The TV is on, but all I can think of is you. You are SO worth every discomfort this pregnancy is causing me. If I could endure the months and months of struggle, and losses of your siblings, I can endure all of these discomforts knowing that you are healthy and strong. Your kicks that are getting stronger and stronger each week prove this to me. You may have a stubborn streak because you like to stay so low and cover up your face so the doctors cannot see your full face, I pray that this stubborn streak transfers into a young man that is able to stand strong in the Lord even when others try to move you.

Call me sappy, but I cried the other day thinking about you growing up. I could almost see you tall, dark, and handsome, like your daddy, on your wedding day. I am already praying for your future wife and you aren't even born! I truly thought our first child we held in our arms would be a little girl, but I now know that God had the best plan for our family. I think about how much of a blessing you will be, to have a little boy that grows up to be a man, one that knows how to treat and respect women, because Heaven knows we need more of them on this earth.

I pray life is good to you. That you have no big complaints having James and I as your mother and father. I hope we are where you feel safe at home, that God truly will use us to help you grow into a strong man of God, and you feel blessed to have us as your Mom and Dad. I pray that you will never feel too judged to come to us with anything. I hope that life gives you just enough bits of the hard stuff so you will not take things for granted, but not so much that you lose hope and feel crushed by it. That you will be sensitive to others in need, not be afraid to step up when a friend or family member needs a shoulder to cry on, that you will have your father's sense of humor and worth ethic, and that you will be a blessing to everyone you meet in life.

I do not know what God has in store for you, but I do know it will be something bigger than we could ever imagine. A good friend once said, "You will be like Hannah and Elizabeth, who prayed and prayed and God gave them a baby." (Thank you DeAnn!) I didn't think much of it then, where I was at with our journey, but now I certainly do. All of that prayer for a baby, and for all the things we have prayed for you, before you were even here God has to have big plans for you! Look at the children that Hannah and Elizabeth were blessed with. They raised men that were vitally important to ministry.

It has been a rough road to get you here, and you aren't even in my arms yet, but feeling you kick and watching my belly grow gives me so much hope that it is truly possible that your father and I will know what it is like to parent a newborn little boy before the end of the year. I am thankful for the struggle, because it makes me realize how precious life truly is. And how blessed couples are to have children, conception and growth of an embryo into a living breathing newborn is truly a miracle!

Tonight when thinking about where we have come to this point, I realized your due date is so close to when I found out that I have a unicornuate uterus. Isn't it amazing how God can cultivate healing in the heart over a year? You have replaced the sorrow and despair over my less than perfect lady parts with Joy in knowing that they Lord is forever Good and Faithful. He can truly do anything, with God nothing is impossible. Please keep this in mind, even when tough things in life may make it seem like you are in the dark and surely about to walk into some devastating obstacle. God will make a way. Be it with a small light to brighten your path so you can see, or a friend that will help you walk the path so you do not feel as alone and desperate.

You have been prayed for by more people than either of us can imagine. And while the tears that flowed at times haven't helped my post nasal drip, getting the words out were necessary for my heart. Because, call me cheesy, but sometimes I feel like my heart is full of love so much that it may burst.

I love you little man, and cannot wait for your arrival in December. You are SO loved and wanted.
♥ Mommy

Delicious Creamy Chicken-Mushroom Pasta

So I have made a decision, due to our crazy lives where we do not truly get to sit down together and have a meal, unless it is a weekend, I am going to start utilizing our crock pot more (at least once a week) so we can just sit down and enjoy eating together instead of me cooking and scrambling to figure out what to make last minute before James goes to work.

This weeks first try at crock pot cooking was DELICIOUS. I found a recipe on pinterest (here) and adapted it some with a combo of my own thinking and ideas from another recipe.

Here are the ingredients:

• 29oz of frozen chicken breast (this is how it panned out, and I wanted to count calories)
• 1 package of Good Season's Zesty Italian dressing mix
• 1 container of Philadelphia's Onion and Chive cream cheese
• 1/4 cup of Philadelphia's whipped cream cheese (probably could have done without, but was in fridge already)
• 1 small can of cream of mushroom soup
• 1 small can of cream of chicken soup
• 1 small package fresh mushrooms, sliced
• 2 cups chicken broth
• 1 package Ronzoni Garden Delight's pasta 
• 1/2 cup wheat flour 

Directions:

• Mix together (in crock pot): 
• Zesty Italian Dressing
• Both types of cream cheese, softened
• both small cans of condensed soup (next time I will look for reduced sodium, because I am sure sodium is WAY out there)
• 2 cups chicken broth
• Mushrooms
• Add frozen chicken
• Allow to cook until chicken is done (I let it cook on low for like 10 hours, put it on before bedtime, and ate for lunch next day)
• Boil the Pasta (may be able to do in crock pot and forego the wheat flour, but it made me nervous!)
• Take the chicken out (I used a pasta server) and shred it. Set aside
• Wisk in 1/2 cup whole wheat flour to crock pot, allow to simmer to thicken
• Mix together Pasta, Chicken, and Sauce

You should have 12 one cup servings, equaling 290 calories each, 30 carbs, 10g fat, 19g protein. 

I am sure it is SUPER high in sodium, so make sure to drink lots of water to balance it out ;-)

I didn't think to take a picture of the food IN the crock pot, so this is what is left,
after dishing out 6 cups for James and I to eat/bring to work.
Can you say DEEEELICIOUS!? Because the baby certainly thinks so ;-)

Next Crock Pot adventure: Slow Cooker Salsa Chicken

Ohhhh...and P.S. 2nd coat of green is on, and any indecisiveness I had is out the window. I love it :-)

And P.S.S. I have to celebrate for James even though he hasn't recorded his weight yet on MFP, he is under 300lbs today! :-) SO proud of my husband! I think that means he has lost 25 lbs now. He is doing great with making she he gets up and goes for a jog before work. If only I could join him!! Looking forward to that day. For now I need to try to start doing some pregnancy Yoga, doing some leg exercises, and lifting some little dumbbells.