A Story to Give You Goosebumps...& Feelings of Dizziness

Once in awhile the residents at my work will make mention to our babies.

One once told me "You're the one that's good with the babies."
My response, "I don't have babies." (I didn't feel like going into my miscarriages with her....)
She replied, "Yeah, but you did once. And you hopefully will again one day."

Then, the same resident that talked to me last night, once said something along the lines of, "Your kids are so adorable!"
"Hun, I dont have kids."
My coworker said, "Really, you have a kids? Haha, I wonder if she can tell about your miscarriages."
"FOUR!" The resident yells out.

At that time I had had four miscarriages. She was right.

The last night, she looked at me and asked, "Do you have your kids with you?"
"Only the one in my tummy that I know of."
"Well they are so cute!"
Coworker, "They are naming the one in her tummy Matthew."
She just smiled at us, and told me again my babies were cute.

I have to believe her, but I might be a little bias.

On another note twice now I have suddenly felt really dizzy, mixed with hot flash/clammy feeling, and overall felt like I could faint/pass out. Once it happened while sitting, and last night it happened when walking around.

Last night it was way worse than the first time, to the point that I told my coworkers I had to sit down. And at one point I even saw bright white floaters.

It was an hour after I took my blood pressure medicine this time. And when wee finally were able to sit down (a little over an hour after the episode started) my blood pressure was 102/72 which is what it was the first time, making me really think it is low blood pressure. So now following doctors orders, they say I need to increase fluids (I already drink 10 glasses a day at least...), eat protien with every small meal, and take blood pressure at different times during the day (if it is on the low side the majority of times, they will lower my prescription).

After feeling like I was ran over by a bus, I slept like a rock. For seven hours. And now still have a small headache.

Here's to hoping this all goes away. And to think, they just warned me that the third trimester could bring increase in blood pressure. God must be watching out for me on that one. Because lately it has been really low for me.....

Time for tylenol, huge glass of water, and the need to do quite a bit of homework.

27 weeks already...

Can you believe it? 27, that means less than 13 and our little guy will be here. It is hard for me to wrap my mind around. 3 months. There is so much that I want to do around the house!

• Finish Painting the Nursery
• Get the trim up in the nursery
• Order and put up the wall clings
• Put together the crib (which by the way I need to put out another shout out to Marva Selby for kindly and amazingly purchasing for us. I am not going to lie, I cried. James and I fully planned on needing to purchase the crib, dresser, and glider/rocker for the nursery. Now we have one less purchase on that list. I am thinking we are going to be blessed by family and friends more than my wildest imagination could have ever dreamed of.)
• Wash the walls (I have started noticing finger prints everywhere...adult finger prints, wouldn't mind so much if they were little kid ones)
• Get the railing put back up on the stairs
• Get better organized in the bathroom so crap can be up off the counter top
• Figure out organization in the Kitchen, trying to imagine where we are going to shove bottles is a little daunting to think about at times...
• Clean our bed room, I still haven't moved out the clothes that I do not fit at this moment in time, they are boxed up but not moved to the basement.
• Take care of all of these lovely empty needles from my lovenox shots...I have them chilling in a huge pickle jar right now, very decorative, and classy...I assure you!
• Have everything cleaned and organized before baby shower that will be thrown here (it will be nice to only have to lug things up to the baby room instead of in the car, then out of the car and into the house) and then KEEP it that way.

James and I had been planning a weekend away in Oct for shopping at an outlet mall and Cabela's, but it looks like it may be too busy for him at work, so those plans are kind of up in the air and on hold until last minute.

I have noticed that my emotions are getting the best of me lately, I cry quite easily if something chokes me up. Thankfully, no one else has been with me to experience these moments when they happen. I am sure they would look at me like an alien. 

I also have noticed more pain when switching sides in bed, ouch! Definitely need to learn to slow down when I move, bending over is getting to be a little more difficult as well as I need to catch my breath a lot quicker than usual. Where I park at school I have three flights of stairs to go up, carrying a heavy backpack...not going to lie, this week I chose the elevator (which makes me feel fat and lazy, I would even take the stairs most days when I was lugging my huge nursing bag). 

On the fat and lazy feeling, I don't think I mentioned this...my doctor's scale tried telling me I gained SIX pounds in one week. Um, NO! It was my first time wearing tennis shoes and jeans, and holy cow. I mean MOOO, It said I weighed more than where I started when I lost weight. It read a big blaring 210 at me. And I wanted to cry! So I weighed myself at home again the next day, 204.2. Which is still up 12.4lbs, but much better than 18. So I was having a, "I feel fat today, and definitely not pretty" day. When I told a co-worker I felt like my belly was just fat, like Santa, like it jiggled like a bowl full of jelly. (lol) and she kindly reminded me, "You are PREGNANT! And regardless of your weight gain, you haven't gained anywhere else that I can notice..." 

So that helped, and then in when stepping on the scale again the next day, I joked about how 5lbs of gain is probably all in the tatas. And they say that you can go up another cup size when your milk comes in. Oiy. This could be an experience.

I was feeling a bit better about myself, when I got asked if I had a month and a half to go. Nope, three. I got several comments that day (and the next) about how I am going to be out there. Well, yes, that is what happens during pregnancy. Your belly gets big and you begin to feel like you have an alien growing inside of you, turning you into a whale. And women do carry babies so differently. And we as people have the tendency to judge based on how other's look at such points. 

Thankfully my husband loves me, and tells me I am beautiful, and that I truly am not as big as others at time make me feel! I would be quite lost without him, he is such a hardworking man, and I cannot wait to have that week off together after the baby comes, it will be nice to see him relax and be in daddy mode.

This week Jenny and I went and visited Mike & Darcy in the hospital to see their newest addition Harper. She was born on the 18th at 910 am, weighed 8lbs 5oz, 20 inches long. She is a keeper! And quite cuddly. We brought them fast food for dinner, and before that Jen showed me that TJMaxx has some pretty good deals on onesies in the multipacks. I resisted in buying our Mr. anything, but got Harper some cute long sleeve onesies, and one that says Little Sister. After the baby showers are done, TJMaxx and I might have a visit to stock up on some things I am still lacking though ;-). We were there the same time as our other friends Ben & Laura. They had their little girls there, and it is hard to believe how big and independent Alli has become, and how much of a cute little cuddle bug Brooklynn is! Anyways, Darcy & Harper are both doing well and last I knew were anxiously waiting to come home!

Wow, this has turned into a huge post, kudos to you if you continued reading my random ramblings. I hope I at least got a smile or an amused shake of the head along the way. Before I go to attempt to do an exam, I should probably post the pictures that I intended for this post. Then I need to try to figure out how to make my lower back feel a bit better, bring on the stretches!

So amazing to see my belly grow, sometimes it still feels like a dream...

Yesterday's Ultrasound & Thoughts

Well yesterday I had my 27 week ultrasound. It is truly amazing to see our little one as he gets bigger and bigger. Such a huge blessing! From beginning of second trimester up until this point the ultrasounds have been every other week, but I have a four week break. During these four weeks I am praying for little (or no) anxiety about the baby, and lots of fetal movement so I know all is well!

I cannot help but feel like we are in the final stretch of this pregnancy. I am trying to relish in every little moment. Remember what the flutters, kicks, rolls, and hiccups have felt like. Remembering what it was like to realize, "I think I'm pregnant", to the point where I realized, "This could be our take home baby, finally!" And to now where I am still sitting on the edge teetering, hoping and believing that even as delicate as this small life inside of me is, that God will pull through on this blessing and allow us to have a son. Here on Earth, and not another in heaven.

Some days my faith is SO strong and I believe that he will make it to full term, believing that we have no worries for him to be here until December hits.

Other days, I think what it would be like to have a baby staying in the NICU while returning home empty handed. Or worse. But I do not let my mind dwell on these thoughts for long, because I know our God is not a God of fear. And it is to Him that I look for strength and hope.

These next four weeks without a glimpse into my baby's world are going to be pretty jam packed I have a feeling. There is SO much that I want to get done around the house. From making things better organized, to keeping a cleaner house (this is truly a struggle for me), to finishing our little one's nursery, having a weekend away with James, getting outfits around for maternity pictures, my work baby shower, a baby shower for friends (the family shower will be after my next ultrasound!), and getting the house ready for winter.

Because after these four weeks, anything can truly happen! At my next ultrasound I will be 31 weeks, they will be checking on the baby's growth and most likely checking for amniotic fluid levels. At 32 weeks my weekly appointments filled with an hour NST and ultrasounds to check fluid levels start. At 35 weeks, another growth ultrasound. And again at 39 weeks. Mixed in with the long appointments of NST, Ultrasound, and checkups with my doctors.

It is going to be a whirlwind! I hope I am up for all of the craziness of school, work, doctor's appointments, holidays, and life in general. If I start to lose it, kindly remind me that we have been waiting two years to hold our own little baby and that all of this will melt away as soon as he is placed in my arms. I am SO looking forward to that blessed moment, the moment that I have prayed for, longed for, and hoped would one day happen.

On to my ultrasound appointment, other than the doctor's office being rather slow this time, everything went well! James was actually able to come with me this time around, and most likely able to come for my next one. I love seeing him look at our son and say things like, "He really is getting bigger!" He is going to be a great dad, and I cannot wait to see him in action.

When we got into the room for the ultrasound, they started over my abdomen. The ultrasound tech allowed us to enjoy watching our little guy move about before she started doing the measurements. First she measured the abdomen, then moved onto the femur. She took some shots of his profile, the placenta, and measured his heart beat (it was 140 this time). I loved watching him blink his eyes, and at one point we are unsure if he was sucking his finger, but it looked like he was saying "Shhhhhh!" I don't think he was too happy with the fact that he was so content head down, again right in my pelvis, and we were trying to get him to move up enough so she could measure his head. The tech had me rock side to side, I even tried poking him, but he was content and stubbornly refused to move (which is okay with me, head down means higher chance of not needing a C-Section!).

Next she moved on to the transvaginal portion to see about measuring his head and my cervix. I know this may be horrid, but I call it the dildo cam...because that really is what it is comparable to in my opinion. I am definitely not disappointed that this is my last meeting with this wand. My cervix is still measuring super long at 4.6cm. Definitely thinking I may need to start walking so it can begin to shorten as the baby gets bigger. At the end she did all the calculations, the amniotic fluid level was perfect, and our little guy is estimated to weigh 2lbs 5oz. I know that growth ultrasounds can be off by a pound (or more the further along you are, and it also depends on the skill level & accuracy of the ultrasound tech), but if this is his true weight that means in 12 days he gained 1 lb, 1 oz. That is CRAZY!

When talking to the doctor he explained why the increase in watching the baby after 32 weeks. Being that I am a high risk pregnancy (unicornuate uterus -UU-, controlled hypertension, and a clotting disorder) at 32 weeks they could intervene if necessary and deliver the baby with a greater chance that he would survive. The amniotic fluid level checks are due to my UU because of the higher chances of loss in the third trimester. It also gives them a chance to look at my placenta, because due to hypertension, after 32 weeks the placenta can go "haywire" he said. Basically, this means how efficiently the placenta is giving oxygen and nutrients to the growing baby that needs more and more could start to fail to meet the baby's needs and at that point it would be safer for the baby to be out breathing in oxygen instead of in and breathing amniotic fluid. My hypertension is well controlled, and though I am at a higher risk for preclamsia due to both PCOS and hypertension, I really do not forsee it being an issue (praying against it!).

Oh, and we also met with another doctor I hadn't met yet. I think that I have two or three more to meet before I can say I have met everyone in the office. The great thing is, there is only one that I still do not like! My next ultrasound appointment is with another doctor I haven't met yet, and then I will probably try to get in to see my main doctor for the following week.

It is crazy to think that in another week I will be out of the second trimester and into the third. This pregnancy is going by faster and faster the further along I get. Discomforts and all, James and I are so incredibly blessed to be this far and so thankful that our little guy is doing well!

It was truly amazing to see the detail of his nose and lips at the appointment!
 

 

We both really believe this is a smile that he is showing off here,
like haha, try to get me to move. I'll show you!
Watching the eyes blink was amazing on 2D,
I am supposed to be going to LCC for a free 3D ultrasound at some point,
and cannot wait to see this little guy's features that way!

Oh and I also realized, I never updated with last weeks bump photo in a post...so here it is! Look for this weeks in a post later today or tomorrow! And if you didn't know there is a link to another page at the top of my blog labeled "Baby Hillard" that allows you to see both of our growth from the very beginning of the pregnancy. Including all the ultrasound & bump pictures you could dream of! :-)

24w6d Bump Update & a Little More!

Bump Update!

First of all, can you believe it? I am 25 weeks now!! So AMAZING. I am overjoyed and over the moon the happy with all the blessings God has poured out on us with this little man! I am so thankful and reminded of what a blessing I have growing inside of me every time I feel his little kicks and squirms.

Loving the baby bump!!

The progression in such a short time truly amazes me.
You can also tell that little guy moved up some since last appointment. 

Ultrasound Visit!

We got in rather quickly, and it was like he KNEW they were going to try getting his picture again, he pushed his butt right out at the lady as soon as I laid down and lifted up my shirt for the abdominal portion of ultrasound! lol He is still head down but more towards my left hip bone instead of in my pelvis. I hope this is a good thing and he doesn't choose to lay transverse instead of head down eventually. He is still definitely a he, I recognized boy parts before she said anything! His Heartbeat was 150, amniotic fluid level was perfect they said, and my cervix was still an amazing 4.7cm. My doctor today said that I was showing off, because it only needs to be 2.5cm to make them happy at this point. I am glad it is still long and strong because I have a feeling it will shorten quickly when it is time due to the weight of the baby and such (that and I have been praying for it to thin when it is supposed to without any medical intervention! And my prayers for cervix of steel have worked, so why won't this ;-D)

They finally got a profile picture of this little guy. Placenta has now moved more over to my right but still half front/half side. Which would be why I have been feeling more kicks on top middle of belly! When he really gets moving he is punching (or drumming as some would say) above my left pelvis/hip bone, and kicking upper middle belly. Truly amazing! He is getting so BIG!! And I still have 15 weeks to go! 

On a side note, I had a new doctor today Dr. Alsamsam. he was very nice and I would recommend him seeing him at some point if you are at Sparrow OBGYN. I have really tried to see all the doctors there in the practice (there are TEN!) because I would HATE for me to meet a doctor for the first time when delivering our Son. I still need to meet three of the other doctors...but the ones I have met, I liked them all, except one. One I refuse to see due to poor bedside manner when I miscarried the second time, so praying that she isn't the doctor on call when delivery time comes! Feel free to ask more questions if you are thinking about switching doctors :-)

My next ultrasound is on Sept 17th. They will be doing the last cervical length check, and checking the growth of our little guy. I assume they will probably check the amniotic fluid as well since they started it this week. I need to do my gestational diabetes test before then as well. I have already had to do a three hour when I wasn't pregnant...and it wasn't too fun. (Quite boring really) But because of this I know the drink isn't too horrid, more like a super sugary fruit punch. BUT it does make me nervous for the test! They said I don't need to fast, but to avoid sugary things the night before and morning of. Wish me luck!

Labor Day Weekend!

What a wonderful weekend with family! We spent the whole weekend with James's side. Booger & Jess camped at Jay & Deana's while James and I spent the night at our house, and Laura & Jo came down for Saturday. It was nice having everyone together, it would have been even more perfect if Gaugers had been there and Laura & Jo had spent Saturday night! 

Saturday was the day the guys worked on the house to finish up the siding, Deana, Jess & the girls, and I went to the parade in Woodland. We hung out with Jessi's family and it was lots of fun seeing everyone. Later that night James enjoyed himself a drink (or two, or three....you get the picture!) and was definitely feeling pretty good and smiley! lol We sat outside that night til around midnight with Booger, Jess, Laura, and Jo. I love having everyone together. It is for sure a good laugh!

Sunday James was feeling a bit "out of it" but it was another good day with family. Yummy breakfast, delicious dinner (and some yummy homemade ice cream!), and fun times with the girls! James even got brave and offered to hold onto Lynzey, and even got her to fall asleep. (Gasp! If you knew my hubby this is a HUGE surprise. He avoids other people's babies like the plague. He said they are too small, and worries about breaking them. He once rationalized to me, that it will be different with our own because if he breaks it then it will be okay. LOL). I missed the whole thing because I was shopping with Deana, but I hear he was pretty proud of himself! :-)

At one point during the weekend Audrey, sitting on my lap told me, "You can take Lynzey, and I will take (pointing to my belly) that one!" It really gave me a good laugh. Jessi told her that she didn't want a brother, that she only knew how to take care of girls, and that Lynzey was too good of a baby to trade. :-) The crazy things the girls come up with! I truly enjoy every moment that I get to spend with them. We never seem to make the time to get together more often. I am hoping we can make this change after our little guy is here, I want him to grow up and have so many fun memories with his cousins!! Graysi & Audrey are growing up too quickly, and I am sure soon Lynzey will be in the same boat! Kids grow up WAY too fast.

Exercise!

Oiy! We went for a walk Sunday with Jess, Booger, the girls, and our dogs...It was WONDERFUL. But SO hot, it might have been part of how out of shape I am now from lack of exercise since being pregnant...I am SO out of shape now it is ridiculous! I did prenatal yoga today, and intend on working in more walking with Jack on the days that I do not have to work. Because heaven knows I need it (and so does our little chunky dog!).

Tonight I did the Yoga DVD for only 20 minutes and burned 125 calories...doing Yoga....should I reiterate how out of shape I am? It felt good to get the blood circulating! I need to get some of the bloat from crappy eating all weekend out of my system! 

School!

I have quite a bit of homework that I am dreading attacking. Tomorrow between Microbiology lecture and lab I am going to be hitting the books and working on Statistics. I am hoping to get as much of the online classes out of the way early as possible for just in case little guy decides to make an early appearance (I am still hoping that there is a possibility that James could share a birthday with our son! but I would rather not share a birthday with him. November birthdays right near gun season start SUCK, plus that would make him a month early...and I would rather he be full term!). This semester I am tackling 10 credits, plus working part time. On top of this, I am hoping to continue averaging working 8 days a pay period from now until the baby comes. 

I tend to procrastinate (like now), so you may get some updates a little more often from here on out! haha :-)

For real, I haven't done any house work today, and I need to tackle reading for microbiology, along with looking over what we need to do for lab. So I will have to let you go!