Have you ever had those moments that from the beginning of the day God just tugs at your heart letting you know that today is going to be a day you will need to lean on me for comfort and to exude grace? For me that is so often and many times the day is filled with scattered tears falling down my cheeks.
With pregnancy announcements, babies and big pregnant bellies becoming frequent as ehat appears to my heart as another baby boom that is coming....I know these days will be often and close together. Because while I am so incredibly happy and thankful for their little miracles that will be safely in their parents arms (and will want to snuggle their precious little bodies when they arrive!)....it reminds me of my brokenness and my grief of ten littles in heaven. I am so thankful for a God that can restore me each day and remind me who I am.
This was my prayer earlier today.
********
Lord, sometimes I want to just lay prostrate and weep because we are so blessed and though we have had so much pain in this life we now know your blessing! The amount of faith it takes to lean into you during hard times. My heart aches that others may go through life without knowing these sorrows because it truly shows how brightly you can and do shine in this world. Then my heart aches because in this world we have to experience this sorrow instead of just getting to live with you in Heaven.
And it reminds me of how blessed our babies are to experience none of this and to just go to heaven and spend time with you. Do they sit in a Bible study with Moses? Do they get to learn about how much we wanted them from Hannah? If they fall down does Jesus get to hug and kiss them? Is my grandma there knitting them socks, hats, and goofy sweaters, while saying "Your grandma's girl" or "Your grandma's boy"? Is grandpa there saying "I might love ya, but that doesn't mean I have to like you." while leaning in to give them a prickly kiss on the cheek?
I am here God, realizing the sacred ground you have placed below my feet. Realizing that our testimony can give many comfort and hope. In desperation we have clung to you. In joy we have shared how immeasurably blessed we are. In our trials we have done our very best to leave it in Your hands.
Thank you for walking with me Lord. Opening my eyes and heart to others needs and trials so that through prayer and a kind word they can realize they aren't walking on that road alone.
Thank you for breaking me so you could show me your strength and make me whole in my weakness. You are too good to me Lord. Please help me to keep spending time with you and put a fire deep in my heart that cannot be quenched for you and your word.
You have made me humble. And showed me much mercy and grace. Forgive me when I try to take over the reigns or the pen that rights my story. For only you Lord knows what is best for me and what is truly to come. Help me to dream big dreams that coincide with your dreams for me. Help me to see prayers come to life and see miracles in the daily grind. Help me to see your blessing in disguise and rejoice because you are a God that hears and saves.
I love you Lord.
Thank you for not walking away from me and accepting me back when I strayed too far from you. I have run back into your arms like a prodigal son and have gotten to see the joy and comfort of your arms. ♡
