Birth Story - Part 2!

To start with, how about a recap?

• Find out AFI = 4.1 (aka amniotic fluid is low!), induction is recommended. Currently 50% effaced and 0 dilation (darn that cervix of steel I prayed for!!)
• Arrive at Labor and Delivery - to get told we are full, please go have dinner and come back.
• FIVE rounds of oral cytotec - finally 2cm dilated, but still 50% effaced. Just as a timeline, each round of cytotec took four hours, two of which I had to lay in bed hooked to monitors, one hour I could eat something light, and another hour we could walk around. Made it this far with two extra strength tylenol. Contractions 2-3 minutes apart consistently.
• Pitocin is started - was on it for at least five hours, laying in those uncomfortable labor beds, hooked up to blood pressure cuff, penicillin drip, plus the contraction and baby monitors. Dilation finally up to 2.5cm with same effacement. Discouragement. Tears. Contractions are now 7 in 10 minutes. Pitocin is turned off. At this point we are over 24 hours in to the induction. Send James home to sleep because obviously it is going to be awhile still.
• Take a small break to shower, walk around, eat, and then Cervidil inserted. After 12 hours, I am checked again. No change, just irritated cervix. Joy.
• Decide to try cytotec again. SIXTH Cytotec...oral due to cervix irritation. No change. Surprise, surprise.
• SEVENTH cytotec - vaginal. Spread out to every 6 hours for dosing due to different doctor. no further dilation but getting "mushier" they didn't tell me how effaced I was.
• EIGHTH cytotec - vaginal. Right around 3cm!! YAY! 
• Doctor decides it is time to break water, learn I didn't have low AFI (I gushed!).
• Pitocin is started again. Officially in what I would consider active labor. Back labor too. Not so fun.

Back labor was intense, and with monitors I was forced to pretty much lay flat on back because it was the only spot Matthew would cooperate and allow them to have him hooked up. When the doctor broke my water they took off the contraction monitor belt, and inserted the vaginal contraction monitor. By the time I finally talked them into letting me try sitting on the side of the bed so I could have my back rubbed for the back contractions...my cervix was SO sore from the monitor being up there. Back ached from labor (and laying in that horrid bed for over 60 hours at this point), cervix too sore to sit up, feeling miserable.

I caved. This woman that was shooting for completely natural, no pain medications...caved. The back labor, lack of sleep, uncomfortable bed, all made for one grumpy painful Jessica. I asked for an epidural.

Which took three tries to get it inserted into the correct place in my back. THREE. Breathing through contractions hunched over, getting SO angry and frustrated at the process of trying to place the epidural. Before epidural I was not making any change, still hanging tight at 3cm. Moments after epidural and getting cathed (which btw, I had avoided getting up to restroom because of how much pain I was in sadly...they got almost a full bag of urine out of my bladder. Insert jokes about having a nurses bladder already. At least it gave me something to laugh about!!), I was a FOUR!!! WOOHOO!!

Nurse informs me that it usually takes about an hour per cm for first time moms from this point forward. So we figure we have about six hours. Two hours later, after a nap, they check me again and find out I am SIX cm!! WOOHOO!! Baby is trying to come down the canal with head tipped so Dr. P has me roll over on my left side to persuade him to move some. James is getting stir crazy, so he heads over to rite aide to get us toothbrushes and a couple razors. He comes back about 45 minutes later to find me feeling like the baby is coming. Rolling on my side must have helped him engage more! I am experiencing so much pressure I ask James if he will look and see if he can see the baby. His response? "I'm not a *#@$ing doctor." Both of us are on the edge from the induction process and ready for baby Matthew to be here. 

We call the nurse, and of course my nurse is busy! I tell the nurse that answered call light that I am experiencing some intense pressure. She asks if I am feeling it more in my bottom or towards the front. At this point it was towards my bottoms, so she informs me I have a little while still. FINALLY my nurse comes in. She has me roll on my back and agrees to check me. She is rather surprised and says, "We are having a baby! Let me go tell Dr. P." 

The nurse, Christie, has James grab my left leg. And looks at Missy and says, "Hey sis, grab the right leg!" The pushing begins. It was this crazy feeling, exactly what you hear from people that you just KNOW you need to push. I am pushing and feeling like the baby is going to be here so soon, and my doctor still is no where to be seen. Christie is applying the lube and stretching me, when I finally ask, "WHEN IS DR. P GOING TO BE HERE!?!" Her response? "Soon, I am doing what she normally does!"

I am grunting some at this point, and feel like I am being ridiculously loud. So much that I apologize  and everyone laughs and asks me if I have been hearing the other women on the hall! The screams you hear are quite ridiculous at times let me tell you. I remember thinking if the woman put more effort into pushing and less into screaming maybe their baby would be there sooner. LOL And I have to say I still think that to this day!

Dr P finally comes in, looks at me, and stunned says, "Wow! We're going to have a baby! How long has she been pushing?"

"10 minutes."

"Woah! I thought I had time, went to my office, got my pen to sign the birth certificate...." Everyone laughs, except me. Dr P tries telling me to breath through this next contraction. 

I try, I really do, but my body is unrelenting. I manage to say, "I can't my body is pushing on it's own! I need to push!" 

Christie and Dr. P keep telling me I am doing great, especially for a first time mom. Each contraction I get a good three pushes in. And I tell you, I felt like a warrior (minus the epidural that I caved and got haha!). I even got to reach down and feel his head. It was AMAZING!! The monitor keeps losing his heart rate, and I can sense the concern from my doctor. So they do the heart rate monitor on baby that screws into his head with a small needle (SO glad I didn't know this at the time, all I knew was it was internal and could get the one off from my belly!).

At one point I yell (or rather it felt like yelling to me), "I want him OUT!" The nurse and the doctor laugh and again reiterate how wonderful I am doing, and Christie even adds that I am going to beat the woman next door that has been pushing for 2 hours already, with what I believe she said was her second child! 

Finally I am asked how I feel about a small cut, not an episiotomy, just a small cut to help give direction to the tear that is inevitably going to happen. I had been SO against getting cut, but at this point I say yes. She does a small little cut and one more push and little buddy's head is out! SUCH a relief. 

A friend once described the body coming out as kind of like the feeling of a fish flopping out of you, and I definitely have to agree!! One more push and out came our little man! And the shock and disbelief of seeing him. It was love at first sight, I couldn't believe he was finally here. I couldn't believe that he came out of me. 

He cries for the first 30 seconds and then is just alert and looking around. Immediately he is placed on my chest, and James gets to cut the umbilical cord (which James said was like cutting leather!). They take Matthew and clean him up, he isn't turning pink like they want him to, but his pulse ox is 100% with the oxygen on his face. So they continue with foot and hand prints. Then take him over to get weighed. Our little man is officially here weighing 6lbs 3.5oz, 20inches long at 6:24pm, 71 hours after beginning my first dose of cytotec, 6 hours after having my water broke, and only 30-45 minutes of pushing.

Yet this isn't the end. I give a small push and out comes the placenta. At this point I can see the concern mounting on Dr. P's face. My uterus keeps bleeding without ceasing. Thankfully the pitocin is still hooked up. They crank that and the fluids up and slowly my uterus contracts down and bleeding stops. 

Matthew is handed back to me and immediately his color improves. It was amazing to see! I am in awe and with tears in my eyes I ask James if he wants to hold him. His response, "I don't know how!" It was so cute and made my heart so happy to see him with tears in his eyes looking at us. He let me know so many times how great I did, and how beautiful I was. And how perfect our son was. James is a keeper, that is for sure!

I ask the nurse to help pass Matthew to James as I am still hooked up to the IV and the blood pressure cuff at this point. She says to him, "Here you go dad, your little burrito." And his nickname was born :-)

The doctor finishes stitching me up, informs me it was a very small tear and it won't take six weeks to heal. The epidural is starting to wear off and I am ready to get up to go to the restroom, they make me wait awhile and cath me instead.

I got to breast-feed our little guy, he does awesome and latches right on. Not going to lie it brought tears to my eyes to be able to experience such an amazing thing. 

Our favorite nurse came back on at this point, and she lets us know that Matthew needs to head to the nursery within an hour. James went with him. And I finally get to get out of that uncomfortable bed to go to the restroom. 

They warned me about the stitches hurting, but they were NOTHING compared to my bruised tail bone! It was the WORST and it still bugs me some days. We got to move over to the Mother/Baby Unit, and I got to push the birth button to make that amazing sound come across the hospital intercom. 

And in case anyone is curious, I didn't poop during delivery. :-) HAHAHA I had warned Missy and James, "I'm probably going to poop. A lot of women poop." Missy and James both let me know I didn't and it was quite exciting ;-)

And that my friends is the story of Matthew's Birth. But it wouldn't be the end of waiting and being frustrated for us. It was just the end of one chapter and the beginning of another chapter!

Two Weeks Old

Matthew,

How is it that two weeks have already passed? Two weeks. 14 days old already. I love every thing about you. Your little grunts, squeaks, that little noise that sounds like a billy goat, or the one that reminds me of a squirrel laughing. I adore the gassy little smiles. And the cuddles late in the night. Your long fingers, and skinny little toes. The Hillard thought/scowl lines. Your wrinkly old man butt and legs (I cannot wait to see you get some meat on your bones!), and your kissable little cheeks that are just now starting to fill out some.You are so perfect.

You have only been here two weeks but my heart feels like I have known you much longer. Before I carried you in my womb, I carried you in my heart. I carried you in my hopes and prayers. I begged, pleaded, cried, and fought depths of sadness to get to you. All the while somehow keeping the hope alive that one day God would bless us, and give us you. And you are so incredibly worth every moment of that journey.

Today I got out some "My First Christmas" items from my Christmas tote, and Daddy asked me where I got them from. I told him, I bought them before we had ever lived together, on clearance one year. He looked at you and said, "Mommy has been planning for you for a very long time." And it is true. To be honest, before I even knew God, before I would have even dreamed about getting married, I knew that one day I would be a mom.

Right now you are laying on my chest. And you always manage to scoot and squirm yourself so your head is over my heart. You could sleep there for hours and hours. You are so precious to me. My heart is so full. I have to be honest, I was concerned about baby blues and postpartum depression, but I look at you and I don't know how I could be sad. You are an answer to my prayers. You are a miracle. And you make my heart so happy. Any tears I have cried are over how amazing God is, and how incredibly blessed I am. The other day when taking you to town it still felt like a dream, could it be that you really were mine, that I wasn't simply babysitting like I had done all my life? I decided if it was a dream, anyone that came up to pinch me to wake me up I would punch them in the face and run away :-)

You have had a busy first couple weeks meeting family, and friends of Mommy & Daddy's. Then came your doctor's appointment, you gained an ounce! Your next appointment is this coming Thursday and I cannot wait to see how much you weigh. You have been eating like a champ, but last night you had such an upset tummy from gas that we had to give you gas drops for the first time. I am so sorry you got my side of indigestion issues. You get hiccups every time you eat and then we lay you right down.

I am pretty sure you had a clogged tear duct, so I made sure to use a warm clean wash cloth several times a day to clean your eye and rub the duct on each inner eye. It has gotten better, so I am assuming my guess was right, otherwise daddy and I were thinking allergies.

Funny moments have happened for us as well, I cannot tell you how many times you have peed on yourself, in spite of my best efforts to keep it from happening. Then came the time that I decided to try to be lazy and change you on my lap. That back fired on me, and on my light pink shirt. Lovely yellow breast milk poop. All down the front. Hilariously disgusting. I think the shirt is forever stained!

Well it is time for me to go pump, and for bed time.

Love you little man. You are so precious to my heart.

Mommy

One Week Old

Two Weeks Old

Birth Story - Part One

Wednesday morning (11/21/12) came and James and I headed into the OBs office knowing I was going to ask for an earlier induction. Matthew's movements had slowed and were making me anxious as in the back of my mind I heard the statistics of loss during the third trimester for women with a unicornuate uterus. To go that far and to lose him was NOT an option. at 36 weeks, I knew that he would be strong enough to survive on the outside, while my womb was seeming to be a more and more dangerous place by the day.

My NST took a little while to pass, he just didn't want to cooperate. Then came the ultrasound. James and I could both clearly see in the Right Upper Quadrant, and the Right Lower Quadrant there wasn't any fluid visible to measure. Then came the left, and all she measured was one spot of 4.1....4.1 is well below the 6 where they decide to induce. I had been warning James that Wednesday was going to be the day, I had spent all weekend and the beginning of the week cooking food to freeze, attempting to finish some chores around the house, and just mentally preparing.

I was right. The doctor said that it was the day for Matthew to come meet us as faces and not just voices. We went home, took a nap, got the rest of the hospital things around, and ran the errands that were needed. At 4pm we showed up at the hospital to start the induction, for them to tell us that they were full and to come back between 5 and 6. I guess that was the first warning of how my induction was going to go: hurry up, and wait.

We went to dinner together at Applebee's. I started having contractions 5 minutes apart and thought surely we were going to have a Thanksgiving baby. Boy was I wrong. The doctor had checked me at the appointment I was 50% effaced and not dilated at all. Cervix of steel wasn't ready to let Matthew join the world. I wish I would have asked after the first day on IV fluid and not doing anything all day for them to check on his fluid level again. It would have saved us several days in the hospital, and probably the struggles we later had with our little man.

They decided the first line of defense was going to be cytotec by mouth. I was SUPER anxious, because I remembered how painful doing the miscarriage with cytotec was. Then they explained to me that with an at home miscarriage they usually use 600-800mg and for induction it is only 50mg because baby would not tolerate a higher dose (I looked once home I had taken 800mg vaginally, and then 400mg by mouth). When doing cytotec you are allowed ice chips, and are continuously monitored for both contractions and fetal heart rate the first 2 hours after taking the pill, followed by a two hour break where you can move freely and eat the first hour if you are feeling up to it. And I was! We walked so much around that third floor of the hospital I got to know the faces on the walls pretty well. After several (I cannot remember at this point if it was four or five...) doses of cytotec by mouth, they decided to just go for the pitocin. I was 2cm dilated at the point and not any further effaced. In the hopefulness of the nurse, she started my penicillin IV for my Group B Strep. Bad choice...after two doses that vein was trash, it ached, it was inflamed  and let me tell you I could deal with the contractions much better than the burning of the medicine going into my vein. Crazy how certain pains affect people differently.

The pitocin really did nothing for me other than make my contractions too close together (7 in 10 minutes, I was miserable without any time between contractions to re-cooperate from the previous one) so they ended up shutting it off. And taking another try: Cervidil. They let me have a little break, I showered, ate and then said OK I am ready to go. I believe by this time it was Thursday night. My sister stayed with me and I let James go home. James was fighting off a cold (actually Thursday they said he was showing signs and symptoms of bronchitis but his lungs sounded clear *they did this when he had pneumonia last time as well* so to play it safe for both his and Matthew's sake they gave him antibiotics) and the spot they had for him to sleep was horrid. Especially for being a bigger guy.

The nurses kept telling me that by looking at my little guy on the fetal monitor strip they would not guess he was a low AFI. I guess I should have taken this as their hint to tell me ASK FOR ANOTHER ULTRASOUND! By Thursday I was miserable. I was tired of laying in the hard beds, by back ached from back labor, and I was getting cranky in general with so many contractions but lack of change in my darling cervix.

Finally I was at 2.5cm, but still 50% effaced. Doctors came in and gave me the option of c-section. But I stood my ground, I plan on God allowing us to have at least one more child, and I did not need the c-section to add to my risk factors. They decided to go ahead with another dose of oral cytotec because I was feeling SO tender near my cervix due to the cervidil. Surprise, surprise...it did nothing. THEN came the big guns, cytotec vaginally.

My contractions got a bit stronger, I started to feel my cervix change a little bit. One pill wasn't enough though, another vaginal cytotec was used. FINALLY I was somewhere between a 2.5 and 3cm and really "mushy" when Doctor P came in and told me she thought it was time to break my water. I was entirely for it at this point! And boy were we in for a surprise.

It took a little bit, but finally my water was broke. And the flood gates opened. I GUSHED, it felt like gallons of water. Definitely like I had just peed all over the bed. But good news, the fluid was clear. :-) The doctor was surprised and kind of looked disappointed in the fact that I had laid in bed all this time for essentially nothing, she said, "Well, that's definitely not an AFI of 4. But there's no going back now. You're going to have a baby!" Pitocin was started back up, and labor had officially begun to progress for me at this point.

And now bedtime for me, Matthew has made a few squeaks, so soon he might want to eat again then praying for a 3-3.5 hour stretch of sleep. I am going to pump and then see if he is waking up by then. I will leave you with one picture of my little peanut today, as he is now one week old (how CRAZY is that?). My heart swells with how blessed James and I truly are, and I cannot believe that this little being came from inside of my body. That James and I created this little boy that is so perfect in our eyes. He is handsome and everything I have prayed for during the pregnancy for him has came true for the most part. God is too good to us. My heart overflows.

Blood Pressure Concerns

I have been blessed with many medical issues, most of which have caused issues with pregnancy, so why would my blood pressure be any different?

Unicornuate Uterus, Clotting Disorder, PCOS, Varicose Veins (thank goodness only in pregnancy) and Hypertension.

I thought that with exercise and weight loss my hypertension would get better, and it did. I was able to cut my dose in half. With weight gain (around 20lbs now :-( boo!) and pretty much nonexistent exercise...my blood pressure is creeping up. 32 weeks of pure bliss being under 120/80 or right around there (most likely between 100-110/66-78). Then suddenly at my last appointment my BP was 135/93. To my defense, they didn't retake it to check later, the nurse did it over my thin jacket and long sleeve shirt, and I had been stressed about a test for microbiology.

The doctor told me if I was 36 weeks they would be moving me over to labor and delivery to take the baby. At first I thought he meant C-Section and everything, then he mentioned how baby is head down and that means we will most likely avoid C-Section as long as my body cooperates (thank goodness!). He said the goal right now, instead of 39 weeks is 36 weeks unless this one blood pressure is a random event. He was concerned with possible sign of pre-eclampsia. Which if you didn't know is only cured by delivery. I have had no huge complaints this pregnancy and would love to stay pregnant for at least 5 more weeks to allow our son to be to term, and know that he will be avoiding the NICU.

He went on to say if my next appointment I was still running 130s/90s that they would be upping my appointments from not ONCE a week but TWICE. Two trips to Lansing, plus two trips to Battle Creek, on top of working in Hastings? Um...yikes. Can you say holy business (and gas money! at least the prices are down some...). And if my blood pressure goes up to 140s on top...then I would be delivering the baby that day. Um...holy guacamole!

Suddenly I was forced to admit that I did not have 7-8 weeks to meet the baby, but instead have most likely 4 at tops. Can you say emotional roller coaster? Our house is a unorganized mess, the nursery isn't put together, and our hospital bags are not packed. I was a huge B-word, I will admit it. James couldn't do anything right, I was told to stay off my feet and try to relax (when I even said I would be praying about it, the doctor's response was, "well you can do that laying down, God will understand."), but there was (ok is...lets face it) SO much to do! And James has been sick the past week, thankfully he is starting to feel better even though his cough sounds disgusting still.

So I bought an automatic blood pressure cuff, and have been tracking like crazy. Fingers puffy? Take blood pressure and drink a huge glass of water (we are talking 3-4 servings in one sitting, at least 4 times a day...I am a peeing machine). Headache? Take blood pressure (and maybe a nap ;-) wishful thinking some days with my lovely acid reflux). Feeling "off"? take blood pressure. Been busy at work? Take blood pressure.

In all of this, I have had 2 readings where my blood pressure was elevated. Both were after busy moments at work, once was 130/80, and another 135/85. The rest of the time I have averaged 118/76, with one time where I felt off it was 106/62. Yes, low. How is that for crazy blood pressure?

So all I can do is pray, and believe God is going to allow me and this baby to safely go past the expected 36 weeks that the doctor gave me. Which would be November 19th in case you are wondering. I am still shooting for a December birth, but it is ultimately in God's hands. I just want our son to be healthy and avoid a stay in the NICU.

Before meeting with the doctor, the ultrasound went well, the amniotic fluid level was right where it needed to be, and while it took some persuasion to get him to move for the nice lady (LOTS of pushing on tummy and me telling him to move! lol) they eventually saw the movements they needed to and she even saw him doing practice breaths. He definitely takes after his dad on not wanting people to take pictures of him, he was hiding his face again, but did show us his not-so-tiny feet (one of which you could count five toes for sure!) and his perfect little hand with all five fingers (ok maybe also not-so-tiny...I may have a baby giant growing in my belly, we shall have to wait and see when he gets here!).

Then came the NST, if you haven't had to do a Non-Stress Test (NST) they are something else! You get hooked up to two belts, one that picks up on any potential contractions, and another that monitors the baby's heart rate. Let me tell you, little mister did not enjoy having something trying to track him. He kept moving away, or kicking the monitors. He was so much more active during this part than during the ultrasound. It took awhile to see the accelerations that they wanted to, but didn't have to worry about meeting the count kick requirements. It was amazing listening to his heartbeat for that length of time. But his kicks were SO much louder than his heartbeat and made me jump!

So...today's task? Finish packing our hospital bags. Yes, bags, I am an over packer. We have one with snacks, the ipod/ipod dock, and movies for James in case we end up being at the hospital for awhile. And another with our clothes and toiletries, and third for baby's things. I am an over-packer. This will be no different, but I promise, if you need something...it will most likely be in one of our bags! :-)

I need to get motivated though, I have to go to my micro lab. And I would love to finish packing the bags and have my list of last minute things I need to get to put in them.

But a nap sounds SO tempting!!

Hope you have a wonderful day!

Let the Weekly Appointments Begin!

Life has been hectic lately. Between work, baby showers, trying to get the nursery put together, and life in general...Oiy! This pregnant woman gets TIRED! And warm...holy toots I swear I am an oven! Even more so now that our pellet stove is hooked up through the furnace. Have a feeling we will have no problem staying warm this winter! Which is a good thing with a baby on the way!

James is in busy season at work, got to love the farming world...harvest = many more hours at work and less at home. I will be excited for him once harvest is over and he is finally on days. He is also currently fighting a cold, so prayers that it passes quickly without infecting me would be wonderful this girl doesn't need to get sick, and to prevent i I have diligently been drinking OJ with Emergen-c and taking all of my vitamins.

Two weeks ago I had quite a scare, I really thought Matthew was going to decide to come early. My Tuesdays and Thursdays are REALLY long days due to work and school, meaning that I am usually up for 24 hours straight with up to one to two 1-2 hour naps. It was causing me to have some contractions. Mixed with the fact that he decided to explore the shadow land of my uterus, also termed.. the dark side. It causes so much pressure and cramping when he tries to stretch out on that side. Enough that I prayed, poked, and prodded until he moved back other to my right side. The contractions at the worst were 5 minutes apart, about 20 seconds each. This only lasted for about 20 minutes (before that it was only every 15 minutes or so for an hour or two), until I was able to guzzle a ridiculous amount of water and lay down for awhile. That night I called in tardy to work.  It hasn't happened since, but I have been trying to keep up on drinking 14-18 servings of water a day! I feel like I should have an IV hooked up to me to keep me properly hydrated, and a catheter inserted as often as I am drinking water and running to the bathroom!

Last week began my weekly appointments. That appointment was mainly to check the growth of our little man. Which he measured in in the middle of the growth chart at 3lbs 11oz. His little femur was 5.84cm long (or close to 2 and a quarter inches) and his head is measuring a week ahead!! Holy wow! Hillards do have big noggin's that is something we can attribute to that side ;-)

At this appointment I learned the reason that we are doing weekly appointments has more to do with the history of hypertension and clotting disorder, and less to do with my uterus shape. Every appointment from here on out there will be an ultrasound to check the amniotic fluid level, and the functioning of the placenta and umbilical cord. At my 35 (and possibly 39) week appointment they will also be checking the growth of the baby again. On top of the ultrasounds they will be starting nonstress tests, basically this will watch for any contractions, and see how the baby is dealing with them okay. The doctor also informed me that they usually induce at 39 weeks for those that have hypertension.

This was news to me, and made me quite sad! She said we can play it week by week. But, to be honest, God has made a way and answered every prayer for this little guy thus far...from silly things from him being head down at 19 weeks so he wouldn't get stuck in breach position, to more serious things such as helping me keep him cooking into the third trimester. We will have to wait til birth to see if he got James' dimples though ;-). So by our praying for my blood pressure to stay controlled, and the placenta to continue functioning properly...I have to have faith that God will make a way for this as well and our little man will come into the world in his timing, and will allow mommy to come out from labor with a wonderful natural labor story.

Anyways, I thought I would share photos, all the ones that I have been slacking on thus far...along with a few edited maternity photos! Then nap time before work, and hopefully talking James to help me move things into the nursery and out of our hallway before work!!

A Story to Give You Goosebumps...& Feelings of Dizziness

Once in awhile the residents at my work will make mention to our babies.

One once told me "You're the one that's good with the babies."
My response, "I don't have babies." (I didn't feel like going into my miscarriages with her....)
She replied, "Yeah, but you did once. And you hopefully will again one day."

Then, the same resident that talked to me last night, once said something along the lines of, "Your kids are so adorable!"
"Hun, I dont have kids."
My coworker said, "Really, you have a kids? Haha, I wonder if she can tell about your miscarriages."
"FOUR!" The resident yells out.

At that time I had had four miscarriages. She was right.

The last night, she looked at me and asked, "Do you have your kids with you?"
"Only the one in my tummy that I know of."
"Well they are so cute!"
Coworker, "They are naming the one in her tummy Matthew."
She just smiled at us, and told me again my babies were cute.

I have to believe her, but I might be a little bias.

On another note twice now I have suddenly felt really dizzy, mixed with hot flash/clammy feeling, and overall felt like I could faint/pass out. Once it happened while sitting, and last night it happened when walking around.

Last night it was way worse than the first time, to the point that I told my coworkers I had to sit down. And at one point I even saw bright white floaters.

It was an hour after I took my blood pressure medicine this time. And when wee finally were able to sit down (a little over an hour after the episode started) my blood pressure was 102/72 which is what it was the first time, making me really think it is low blood pressure. So now following doctors orders, they say I need to increase fluids (I already drink 10 glasses a day at least...), eat protien with every small meal, and take blood pressure at different times during the day (if it is on the low side the majority of times, they will lower my prescription).

After feeling like I was ran over by a bus, I slept like a rock. For seven hours. And now still have a small headache.

Here's to hoping this all goes away. And to think, they just warned me that the third trimester could bring increase in blood pressure. God must be watching out for me on that one. Because lately it has been really low for me.....

Time for tylenol, huge glass of water, and the need to do quite a bit of homework.

27 weeks already...

Can you believe it? 27, that means less than 13 and our little guy will be here. It is hard for me to wrap my mind around. 3 months. There is so much that I want to do around the house!

• Finish Painting the Nursery
• Get the trim up in the nursery
• Order and put up the wall clings
• Put together the crib (which by the way I need to put out another shout out to Marva Selby for kindly and amazingly purchasing for us. I am not going to lie, I cried. James and I fully planned on needing to purchase the crib, dresser, and glider/rocker for the nursery. Now we have one less purchase on that list. I am thinking we are going to be blessed by family and friends more than my wildest imagination could have ever dreamed of.)
• Wash the walls (I have started noticing finger prints everywhere...adult finger prints, wouldn't mind so much if they were little kid ones)
• Get the railing put back up on the stairs
• Get better organized in the bathroom so crap can be up off the counter top
• Figure out organization in the Kitchen, trying to imagine where we are going to shove bottles is a little daunting to think about at times...
• Clean our bed room, I still haven't moved out the clothes that I do not fit at this moment in time, they are boxed up but not moved to the basement.
• Take care of all of these lovely empty needles from my lovenox shots...I have them chilling in a huge pickle jar right now, very decorative, and classy...I assure you!
• Have everything cleaned and organized before baby shower that will be thrown here (it will be nice to only have to lug things up to the baby room instead of in the car, then out of the car and into the house) and then KEEP it that way.

James and I had been planning a weekend away in Oct for shopping at an outlet mall and Cabela's, but it looks like it may be too busy for him at work, so those plans are kind of up in the air and on hold until last minute.

I have noticed that my emotions are getting the best of me lately, I cry quite easily if something chokes me up. Thankfully, no one else has been with me to experience these moments when they happen. I am sure they would look at me like an alien. 

I also have noticed more pain when switching sides in bed, ouch! Definitely need to learn to slow down when I move, bending over is getting to be a little more difficult as well as I need to catch my breath a lot quicker than usual. Where I park at school I have three flights of stairs to go up, carrying a heavy backpack...not going to lie, this week I chose the elevator (which makes me feel fat and lazy, I would even take the stairs most days when I was lugging my huge nursing bag). 

On the fat and lazy feeling, I don't think I mentioned this...my doctor's scale tried telling me I gained SIX pounds in one week. Um, NO! It was my first time wearing tennis shoes and jeans, and holy cow. I mean MOOO, It said I weighed more than where I started when I lost weight. It read a big blaring 210 at me. And I wanted to cry! So I weighed myself at home again the next day, 204.2. Which is still up 12.4lbs, but much better than 18. So I was having a, "I feel fat today, and definitely not pretty" day. When I told a co-worker I felt like my belly was just fat, like Santa, like it jiggled like a bowl full of jelly. (lol) and she kindly reminded me, "You are PREGNANT! And regardless of your weight gain, you haven't gained anywhere else that I can notice..." 

So that helped, and then in when stepping on the scale again the next day, I joked about how 5lbs of gain is probably all in the tatas. And they say that you can go up another cup size when your milk comes in. Oiy. This could be an experience.

I was feeling a bit better about myself, when I got asked if I had a month and a half to go. Nope, three. I got several comments that day (and the next) about how I am going to be out there. Well, yes, that is what happens during pregnancy. Your belly gets big and you begin to feel like you have an alien growing inside of you, turning you into a whale. And women do carry babies so differently. And we as people have the tendency to judge based on how other's look at such points. 

Thankfully my husband loves me, and tells me I am beautiful, and that I truly am not as big as others at time make me feel! I would be quite lost without him, he is such a hardworking man, and I cannot wait to have that week off together after the baby comes, it will be nice to see him relax and be in daddy mode.

This week Jenny and I went and visited Mike & Darcy in the hospital to see their newest addition Harper. She was born on the 18th at 910 am, weighed 8lbs 5oz, 20 inches long. She is a keeper! And quite cuddly. We brought them fast food for dinner, and before that Jen showed me that TJMaxx has some pretty good deals on onesies in the multipacks. I resisted in buying our Mr. anything, but got Harper some cute long sleeve onesies, and one that says Little Sister. After the baby showers are done, TJMaxx and I might have a visit to stock up on some things I am still lacking though ;-). We were there the same time as our other friends Ben & Laura. They had their little girls there, and it is hard to believe how big and independent Alli has become, and how much of a cute little cuddle bug Brooklynn is! Anyways, Darcy & Harper are both doing well and last I knew were anxiously waiting to come home!

Wow, this has turned into a huge post, kudos to you if you continued reading my random ramblings. I hope I at least got a smile or an amused shake of the head along the way. Before I go to attempt to do an exam, I should probably post the pictures that I intended for this post. Then I need to try to figure out how to make my lower back feel a bit better, bring on the stretches!

So amazing to see my belly grow, sometimes it still feels like a dream...